xxxantisocialxxx's poetry...

I sit at a desk,
Pouring out my soul.
It drips out through
The lead in my pencil.
Each word, a key to my heart.
I stop and glance about
A classmate cranes her neck,
Her heartless eyes on my paper.
Our eyes lock and she lashes out the words, "emo freak."
Tears well up and I shut my eyes.
I have to clench my fists
To keep myself from hurting her,
Or me for that matter.
I long to scream and shout,
But my cries for help are ignored.

I cannot help myself...
The addiction...
Not just any addiction,
A addiction to people
To the certain people i meet
I think about them,
I hang around them,
Hoping,
No,
Wishing that they will notice me,
Talk to me,
Hang out with me...
I hurt myself knowing that they will never, ever want to do those things...
My tears pouring,
It stings as if I brushed my hand on a patch of nettles...
I watch them while in my mind Im screaming,
LOOK AT ME!
NOTICE ME!
... please?

I sit at the edge
My feet dangle
I look down
A tear meanders down my face
It lets go
Falling and falling
I see the tiny drop of my emotion
It hits the bottom
Then I let go
The free fall starts...
Life was my free fall
It whistles past as a blur
Invisible to the mere human eye
I spread my arms as I am falling
Knowing the end is coming
coming
comin
comi
com
co
c
...
I close my eyes and clench my fists
As I take on the end
I think about all I wanted was you
I am reunited with my tear...

I watch the tape
The child of me frolics through London
The paved streets
Glowing street lights
Then I look at myself now
The hair in my face
Wearing all black
Fists clenched and tears streaming
I wonder what changed me
What made me what I now am?
...
Her
...
Her scratches and jibes
Her kicks and her sneers
Her playing victim while I am the wolf
I hate
I cry
I scream
I weep
No one can hear me
The music is too loud
Singing of death and destruction
Sadness and fear
My stomach somersaults
And I let myself fall...
The enchanted world of sleep
Some dream of love
Some dream of happiness
My dreams are of suicide and silence
No pain
No life
I crumble
Then let out a final sob
Ahh... The world of sleep

You look at me
I seem fine
I smile
I walk
I talk
Its all fake
I am a shell
A shell
A shell
Of the human
I once was
The happy little kid
Who never had problems
Who had tons of friends
Now its gone
The happiness
The friends
The love
This shell of mine
Crumbling at the edges
Crumbling to reveal the nothingness inside
This shell is the barrier
Of life and death
Without this shell...
I am nothing
I am a ghost
Never to be seen again
As if anyone noticed me before
As if... Haha
Lets crack open the shell...
And save me from my hell
This hell called life