Writings by HxC FiALURE

EmmaDilemma wrote: Oh my freaking god!!!
That's awesome!
Morbid, but awesome!!

Mission Possible
1-24-09

Far away,
A land of dreamers dream
To be what they are not
What they can’t be
Because that’s not who they are

Far away,
Dreamers dream
To die

A Life Passes By, Leaving One Wishing To Die
8-26-08

Sitting in the rain, watching the grass grow
My hand in yours and a kiss on the nose
I say the words and watch you smile
This is how I know life is worthwhile

Looking out my window as the sky turns grey
Folding the clothes as my life slips away
My cell rings again but all I can do is cry
Every time I think about you, I wonder why

Why did you break my heart? I didn’t break yours yet.
Was it all a lie? Am I only a regret?
If you said you loved me, why did you leave?
What did I do to make you do this to me?

Remembering the good days with the beautiful weather
You cradled me in your arms as if I were a feather
Everything was so great, heaven around the bend
It was something that I never wanted to end

Walking through an empty house filled of you
I can’t breathe as I wish I were dead too
Falling on the floor, all I feel is pain
Knowing that it’ll never be the same

Why did you break my heart? I didn’t break yours yet.
Was it all a lie? Am I only a regret?
If you said you loved me, why did you leave?
What did I do to make you do this to me?

[the line 'why did you break my heart? i didn't break yours yet' was written by adeadbeatle on 8-26-08]

Determinated For You
8-26-08

There you go, walking by me every day
You never stop to say ‘hey’
I’m not even sure you know I exist
Here I am, sitting all alone
You’re talking to her on the phone
And I’m starting to get pissed

Hey! What more do I have to say?
What else is there to do? I’ve got these feelings for you.
But it doesn’t matter anyway.
Why? Why do I have to try?
How can I make you see? It couldn’t be more obvious to me.
I guess you’re just a guy.
They tell me I should just stop thinking about you.
But I know I can’t ever stop.
I’ll tear my heart out before I give up.
No, I’ll never give up on you.

There I go, dreaming of you again
These words flow from my pen
As a tear escapes my eye
Here you are, asking me what’s wrong
But I’m too busy with this song
And you just keep walking by

Hey! What more do I have to say?
What else is there to do? I’ve got these feelings for you.
But it doesn’t matter anyway.
Why? Why do I have to try?
How can I make you see? It couldn’t be more obvious to me.
I guess you’re just a guy.
They tell me I should just stop thinking about you.
But I know I can’t ever stop.
I’ll tear my heart out before I give up.
No, I’ll never give up on you.

I’m begging you to notice me. Silently.
Through my silence, I’m begging you to turn this way, but you can’t hear.
Maybe I should speak up.
Cause you know I’ll never give up.
No, I’ll never give up on you.
I’ll tear my heart my heart out before I do.

Hey! What more do I have to say?
What else is there to do? I’ve got these feelings for you.
But it doesn’t matter anyway.
Why? Why do I have to try?
How can I make you see? It couldn’t be more obvious to me.
I guess you’re just a guy.
They tell me I should just stop thinking about you.
But I know I can’t ever stop.
I’ll tear my heart out before I give up.
No, I’ll never give up on you.

[the line 'I'll tear my heart out before I give up' was written by adeadbeatle on 8-26-08]

Can't Take This Back
8-28-08

You walk in as I start to faint
So much blood loss, I’m blacking out
Your selfish eyes are full of hate
So many things I started to doubt

Three hours later and I’m finally ok
It seems as if I’ll stay alive for now
You scream at me and I remember that day
Wishing you could see the pain somehow

You’re so close-minded, I had to explain why
I cut myself, it’s the only way I deal
With this pain that I wish wasn’t real
Sometimes the scars are all I wanna feel
Funny how you used to be a nice guy

So I’m sobbing my eyes out, begging you to see
But it’s obvious you only care about yourself
Someday I know this will kill me
And maybe that’ll put an end to this hell

Remember when you loved me? I can’t believe you lied
What’s even worse is that I really fell for it
Now I just wish you actually would have tried
To care about me at least a little bit

You’re so close-minded, I had to explain why
I cut myself, it’s the only way I deal
With this pain that I wish wasn’t real
Sometimes the scars are all I wanna feel
Funny how you used to be a nice guy

When I’ve finally moved on, I know you’ll come back.
You’ll see how stupid you were to leave me in this pain.
I’ll let you beg but in the end I’ll say,
“All those lies already passed through your lips. You can’t take it back.”
Because you’ve left me with scars deeper than the ones on my arms
And there’s no way you could possibly be redeemed

You’re so close-minded, I had to explain why
I cut myself, it’s the only way I deal
With this pain that I wish wasn’t real
Sometimes the scars are all I wanna feel
Funny how you used to be a nice guy

[the line 'all those lies already passed through your lips, you can't take them back' was written by adeadbeatle on 8-26-08 and the second and third lines in the chorus were written by me on 8-27-08]

Correspondence
8-31-08

(Hey babe,
I’m just wondering to see how you’re doing.
I don’t miss you or anything.
Just, umm… How’s your new life with her?
Yeah, so, I’m glad that you’ve disregarded everything we ever said.
Ok, uh, talk to you soon. Bye.)

This is the day.
Two years I can see.
Gone now, faded in the past.
It was never me.
Should have knows it wouldn’t last.

I wrote you a love note… it was a story about love.
But from my view it was all about you.
And in the end, it was the reason why the word ‘sad’ exists.
I’d thought it was so great, my angel from above.
But to you it wasn’t anything new.
And then it was over, our love shattered into mists.

(Uh… honey,
I never got that letter.
It must have gotten lost in the mail… I don’t know… was it returned to sender?
Uh… yeah I’ve been thinking about you too.
Great to hear from you. I, uh, hope you’re as happy as I am.
Life couldn’t be better right now. Later.)

All was yesterday.
If only I had seen.
It’s all over, now it’s all done.
Life is so mean.
And my depression has won.

I wrote you a love note… it was a story about love.
But from my view it was all about you.
And in the end, it was the reason why the word ‘sad’ exists.
I’d thought it was so great, my angel from above.
But to you it wasn’t anything new.
And then it was over, our love shattered into mists.

[the first three lines in the chrous were written by adeadbeatle on 8-26-08]

Your False Words
9-11-08

Why I sit here and write about a breakup, I don’t know
It’s not like it’s anything I’ve ever experienced
We never even got that far, no
It’s something we never did.
But it hurts cause you liked to pretend
I wish I had known from the start
That you were going to lie
Maybe then I could have saved my heart

This love was too fake to be true
I still wish I knew
Why you do what you do
This love was too fake to be true
I swear it’ll never come from you
Time to leave now, there’s your cue
This love was too fake to be true!

Why do you sit there and act as if you don’t know?
Well maybe it’s because I just hide it inside
It’s something I don’t talk about, no
I’d rather pretend that nothing died.
It’s all cause you said what you didn’t mean
I wish I had never even met you
That I had never fallen hard
Maybe then my pain would few

This love was too fake to be true
I still wish I knew
Why you do what you do
This love was too fake to be true
I swear it’ll never come from you
Time to leave now, there’s your cue
This love was too fake to be true!

The love that never happened.
Cause you were too fake not to be a lie.

This love was too fake to be true
I still wish I knew
Why you do what you do
This love was too fake to be true
I swear it’ll never come from you
Time to leave now, there’s your cue
This love was too fake to be true!

[the line 'this love was too fake to be true' was written by adeadbeatle on 8-26-08]

The Game...Causes Pain
9-23-08

Your false words caused my scars
Why did you say you loved me if it wasn’t true?
But of course I should have known
How could it ever be true?
To me, love will never be shown
I deserve this pain I’m put through
Cause I can never be good enough for you

I was pretty good at games, till I played one called Love where I always lost.

‘Love’
I wasted my life on the game,
more chance than anything…
I gave up my hopes of winning
There was no point
I always saw nothing for me in the end

Your fake memories helped me die
It was never real, so why did you pretend?
But of course, now I know
How could it not be pretend?
It’s just like you to be so low
You deserve my amount of pain
But you’re not the one who lost the game

I was pretty good at games, till I played one called Love where I always lost.

‘Love’
I wasted my life on the game,
more chance than anything…
I gave up my hopes of winning
There was no point
I always saw nothing for me in the end

Why I say love,
I don’t know.
I never liked you.
Never liked anything about you.
But I guess that just goes to show
You can hate the one you love.
And boy do I love to hate you.

I was pretty good at games, till I played one called Love where I always lost.

‘Love’
I wasted my life on the game,
more chance than anything…
I gave up my hopes of winning
There was no point
I always saw nothing for me in the end

I was pretty good at games, till I played one called Love where I always lost.

I’ve lost the game.
I never want to play again.

[The pre-chorus and chorus were written by adeadbeatle on 8-26-08... The first verse was written by me on 9-11-08]

Fading Away...Watch Me Blur
10-15-08

I never thought it would go this way
I never thought it could go this way
How could love be so wrong?
Twisted, confusing, painful
It always starts out strong
I thought things were going pretty well
You were falling for me and I could tell
But there was something in my way
Maybe I just needed to say

I love you
In love with you
There’s nothing I can do
It’s sad that it turned out this way
Maybe we’re more different than night and day
I suppose it’s all up to fate
But it sucks.
We wasted so much time being friends, why didn’t we become lovers?
Now it’s too late.
Yeah, I see you with her.
Turn me into a blur.

I wish it didn’t have to be this way
Does it really have to be this way?
I thought love would be better
Straightforward, simple, beautiful
Never thought I’d say “Go get her”
I thought there was a chance you’d be mine
But I guess I just ran out of time
I couldn’t make you love me
I have to accept that we’ll never be

I love you
In love with you
There’s nothing I can do
It’s sad that it turned out this way
Maybe we’re more different than night and day
I suppose it’s all up to fate
But it sucks.
We wasted so much time being friends, why didn’t we become lovers?
Now it’s too late.
Yeah, I see you with her.
Turn me into a blur.

Blur my life by
Cause I don’t think I can take it anymore
Life fades through me
I don’t care
I just want them all to go away!
I can’t see anyone
Except for you.

I love you
In love with you
There’s nothing I can do
It’s sad that it turned out this way
Maybe we’re more different than night and day
I suppose it’s all up to fate
But it sucks.
We wasted so much time being friends, why didn’t we become lovers?
Now it’s too late.
Yeah, I see you with her.
Turn me into a blur.

Just let me fade.

["We wasted so much time being friends, why didn't we become lovers? Now it's too late" written by adeadbeatle on 8-27-08.... First 5 lines of third verse written by adeadbeatle on 8-28-08]

Only Perfection Gains Acceptance
10-19-08

Correct me if I’m wrong but I thought this was about love
I never knew it was only about looks
I’m sorry, but I can’t be perfect
I don’t know why you expect me to be
Isn’t this about acceptance?
Why should I change who I am so you’ll want me?

Your words cut deeper than any knife can do
And your actions hurt me even more
I don’t know why I still put up with you
And I’m sorry for being such a bore

Today I’m fine without you and I don’t care what I’m missing
But tomorrow I’ll just keep on wishing
I just want to be perfect
But why should I have to be?
It’s like you can’t accept me for who I am
I won’t change myself so you’ll want me

Your words cut deeper than any knife can do
And your actions hurt me even more
I don’t know why I still put up with you
And I’m sorry for being such a bore

I just wish you could love me, but it makes me feel like a whore
All my feelings are raging inside me, like a hundred year war
Sometimes I need you, then I kick you out the door
Your denial just makes me feel so rotten to the core
Am I really that disgusting? I make your eyes sore?
Everyday I’m alive hurts me more
So I’m sorry for being such a bore
You’ve cut me deeper than any knife can do
So why do I still put up with you?

[first line of second verse written by adeadbeatle on 10-3-08]

Heartscars [How We Pay]
11-11-08

Why not cry your heart out?
She doesn’t want it anyway
And who’s to say she wouldn’t break it?
You’re oh so ready to give it away
But it’s not like she even cares
No, she’s not like me

Well, these scars happen
When you find yourself
Giving your heart away
And if they don’t take it,
When it falls and breaks,
Well, you think we’d learn
But we never do
So we create the scars ourselves
And that’s why they exist

Why not cry my heart out?
He doesn’t want it anyway
And I was so sure he wouldn’t break it
I was oh so careful about giving it away
But I didn’t know he wouldn’t care
No, he doesn’t love me

Well, these scars happen
When you find yourself
Giving your heart away
And if they don’t take it,
When it falls and breaks,
Well, you think we’d learn
But we never do
So we create the scars ourselves
And that’s why they exist

Just stop giving your heart away.
Cause you will pay for it one day.

[first line written by adeadbeatle 11-4-08]

Your Girlfriend
1-26-09

One minute you care about me
The next, you’re kissing her
I can’t believe you don’t know
Why my eyes continue to fade
Why, when I see her, I turn away
Such an envy must be obvious
She’s everything I want to be

Trying to get over you
Is never an easy thing to do
I keep getting so close
But then I need another dose
It’s like I’m addicted to pain
When there’s nothing to gain

Sometimes I wish you’d leave me alone
Just ignore me and be a jerk
It gets hard being with you
Cause I can’t take seeing you smile
And knowing I’m not the reason why
But I don’t want to leave your side
I think you’re the only reason I stay

Trying to get over you
Is never an easy thing to do
I keep getting so close
But then I need another dose
It’s like I’m addicted to pain
When there’s nothing to gain

Trying to get over you
Is never an easy thing to do
I keep getting so close
But then I need another dose
It’s like I’m addicted to pain
When there’s nothing to gain

[The line "It gets hard being with you cause I can't take seeing you smile" was written by adeadbeatle 8-26-08]

My Danny
2-5-09

You’re gone
I can’t take it
God, give me a reason to live
What purpose is there in life?
I wanna take some pills,
Jump off a roof,
Anything to get it done.
How can I live when you do not?
You deserved life more than me
I can’t fucking take it
Forever I dreamed of death
You had everything to give life
Why can’t our places shift?
I want you back
I want you back so bad
I can’t believe you’re gone.
I love you
I never said it and I’m sorry
If only I could change the past
I’d do anything to bring you back.

Words Never Said
2-5-09

Would things have been different if I wasn’t such a coward?
If I’d pushed my fear aside just to tell you what matters
Tell you how much you meant to me
I don’t think you knew how much I actually cared
Would it have been better if you’d known?
I miss you as if you were my comatose
But I never told you what I wanted or how I felt
So you never knew, and now it’s too late
There were a lot of things you didn’t know about me
If I could have you back, I’d tell it all
Even the most insignificant of details
I would do anything it took just to talk to you again
The words I would say the most, what I would repeat:
I love you

Judgment
2-16-09

I don't understand why we had to lose 16 years because of a colour, a choice.
It was my decision to make and I made it.
And then she decide to throw it all away?
I don'tunderstand. I don't get it.
Where's the acceptance of differences?
There were things I didn't like, but I moved past it.
Maybe now I'd just be an embarrassment.
But why care so much?
They're strangers, why even give a damn?
Isn't being best friends worth it?
A little ridicule for the cost of friendship.
I really don't understand her.
But maybe it's for the best,
to keep me from becoming
close-minded
as well.

Face It
2-16-09

Face it:
I am me
Face it:
And I won't change
Face it:
I'll always be me
Face it:
We are very different
Face it:
It's just reality
Face it:
You threw it away
Face it:
Over a stupid change
Face it:
I am who I am
Face it:
I won't be you

Note To God, A Pleading Prayer
3-1-09

You are one unfair judge,
This is what I have to tell you

When you take the life of one
Who meant so much to many
But leave behind a bunch
Who don’t deserve a penny

It even could have been people I know,
It even could have been me.
Then you’d hear no complaints.
But you took him out of place.

Why does he deserve hell? I ask
I only wish that you could tell me
He was so much better than I
But I know where I am going

Nice people shouldn’t have to die
When there’s people no one would miss
So what the fuck’s the point in this?
Do you just like seeing me cry?

How about this:
I give you a list
Those who won’t be missed
And then maybe you can bring back Danny

Five people, a fair trade I think
Let’s start with number one
The only person I can rightfully sacrifice
She’s the one writing this poem

You know what I’ve said,
You know how I’ve felt
I really wouldn’t mind to die
Several times, I even asked for it
But you never granted my request
That was ok, my time would be up one day
I kept that in my thoughts
But taking one who deserved more
And had more to give…
Why not me? I’d be fine
Now I feel selfish.

Number two, relation in blood
He’s just the one who made me
My father’s not a father, you see
He cheated on my mother
I grew up without him, I grew up happy
But I don’t care where he ends up.

While I’m being bitter,
Introduce number three
A best friend’s betrayal
Builds up the worst inside of me
Eh, go ahead and take her,
I’ll see her again one day
She, at least, will be in Heaven
Unlike my sweet Danny

Here it is, number four
What you’ve been waiting for
The one to break my mother’s heart
Never have I ever liked him at all
Honestly, I’d be glad to watch him fall
You helped him give her false hope
Then pushed her in the dirt
Stupid little bastard,
I hope one day you are hurt.

Number five is more than one,
It contains variety
Anyone from our church could go
They weren’t as nice as him
All of them have hurt me
Or if not me, themselves and others
They’re living hypocrites
Well, so am I… but I am also on this list

So now have I made your decision easier?
You no longer have to choose
I give you five people fair in trade
To give back the one you took away

Ah, silly little dreamer
It doesn’t work like that
He’s gone… gone forever
I know, I know, but it was worth a try
For he deserves much better

Murderers, rapists, thieves aplenty
You could have taken any one of them
They’ve never done a good thing
And Danny has never done a bad
But they could come to see the light
Repent their awful sins
Then I’ll see them in Heaven
While a nice person burns below
He never even got a chance!
If only he had known,
But you stayed away from his life
And then ended it… just to show?

You fail at plans, you fail at justice
Surely you would’ve known
There’s so many people you could’ve taken
Maybe you were just mistaken
Did you mean to take someone else?
Were you trying just to show him?
Big fail, fatal mistake
No wonder people don’t trust you

And now I get to live in regret,
Knowing I could be as bad as them
But end up with better than Danny
Just because I used to love you,
Because I was raised up right
Let me know when that is fair
And then give back his life.

Attention, Male Population!
3-10-09

Put down that magazine
Turn off the computer
Why do you try to hide it?
Hell, everybody knows
Tell me why you look at that shit
Why you brag to your friends about it
It doesn’t make you a man,
Doesn’t make you mature
Are you addicted to nudity?
Porn sucks out your life
Take it from me and just think
Think about what you’re doing to us

Cos we know what you look at
We know what you wanna see
It’s all we cannot be
Before you look, think

Expectations aren’t written in stone
But they’re there, you expect more
Learn not to expect what we don’t have
But you can’t do that when it’s all you know
Just think about what you’re doing to us
Kathi stopped eating
Couldn’t swallow a thing
And even started puking
She was so disgusted with herself
Mandi’s boyfriend didn’t think of her
Never saw her true beauty
He was only using her
Poor little Li
Never got a chance
Not one single glance
Cos no one wants a-
all-around round,
messy-haired,
timid girl named Kathi.
He didn’t pay attention to-
flat-chested,
bright-eyed,
loyal girlfriend like Mandi.
You’re all too good for-
short and smart,
black-wearing,
creative chick called Li.

Cos we know what you look at
We know what you wanna see
It’s all we cannot be
In our eyes, it’s all you want
And we can’t measure up
Do you know how that feels?

Even the girls who look like the ones on your screens
They don’t have it any better than we do
They get stares, leers, but no respect
The attention was on Karli’s body
Not the pain and suffering
She saw what you did,
What you looked at
She decided she wasn’t worth anything more,
Dropped out of school, used drugs,
Cut up her wrists, hung with the wrong crowd
Battered and beaten for being too tired one night,
She hated who she was
Your looks decreased her self-worth,
Destroyed her life.
This is what happens,
Bit by bit,
When you look at that shit

Cos we know what you look at
We know what you wanna see
It’s all we cannot be
In our eyes, it’s all you want
And we can’t measure up
Do you know how that feels?

Make no excuses
You can’t stop yourself from comparing
If you want a beautiful girl who’s worth
So much more than her looks,
Show some respect
Think before you look
You’re not a man at all,
Doesn’t make you mature
Just don’t start,
Protect your eyes,
Maybe save a life
Cos we don’t need your shit
We don’t need you to make us feel this way
Like we can’t ever compete,
Can’t be worth anything if we can’t compare
And we can’t compare, those girls are fake
If you wanna be real, a real man,
You’ll put down that magazine,
You’ll turn off the computer
Because now you know-
What you do to us.

Cos we know what you look at
We know what you wanna see
It’s all we cannot be
In our eyes, it’s all you want
And we can’t measure up
Do you know how that feels?

Sink Into Black
4-4-09

Cry another day
Die another way
Just wish I could see you again
That’s all I do,
Wish to see you
No matter what hell it puts me through
There’s nothing I would do
To make my wish come true
So I try and I try
But it is not up to I
And I hate feeling like I failed
I’m sorry to have failed you
I really wish you knew
But what hurts the most
I’ve got a second chance
I feel like such a thief
It’s not my fault, but I’m sorry
I’d do anything to make it right again
To give you life again

Stupid Cupid
4-4-09

Chew me up and spit me out
She’s everything you want
You’ll never know how I feel
Because I’ll never tell you
Did you get your wish?
Happy fairytale,
Dreams come true?
Well good for you
Don’t mind me
I’m just someone to turn to
Someone to order around
The messenger, if you will
I don’t have my own feelings
I please everyone else’s
No pressure at all
Everything’s fine and dandy
Just take me for granted
Stop messing around
Love her if you do
Leave the rest alone
You just cause pain
And I would know
It sucks, so trivial
Matters of the heart
I shouldn’t mind
There’s bigger things in my life
So you make me feel guilty too
Just more shit I don’t need from you
But she wants you bad
Who cares if I’m sad?
Be happy
I can’t

Eternal Love
4-5-09

Never thought I’d
Miss you this bad
When I heard about your girlfriend
I was so sad
I wished for you to be my comatose
Only because we were that close
You were such a dream
A beautiful dream
It was so easy to fall in love
And I wasn’t the only one
I gave you my heart
Too bad it wasn’t literal
You had those complications
That turned out to be lethal
Every song I hear, I think of you
Wishing there was something I could do
Why’s it gotta be too late?
I’m not the only one who cared
Despite this disgusting tragedy,
I know you will live on
Or maybe that’s the hardest part,
Knowing you can’t live on
You remain in our hearts but it’s not the same
We’ll all forget, live happily
Focus on the trivial
You deserve much better
But what can I say?
I’m not perfect
I will screw up
And that’s why you were better than me
Life is just a mess
I’d do anything for you
What wouldn’t I risk?
I can’t think of anything
Not even eternal rest
I actually welcome it
But I’m so selfish
I just want you back
Though I know it can’t happen
All I know now is
I gave you my heart
You’re here to stay.

Plastic Knives
4-11-09

I’m becoming unhinged
Unglued
Ripped apart from the seams
Shredded
Torn
Used
Wasted
I can’t control it anymore
I can’t make it stop
I have no will
I have no sense
I just need it
Nothing can stop me
No more hinges
No strings attached
They’re all gone
Gone like the tubes
That were keeping me alive
So this is goodbye

shadowslight wrote: I didn't realize this was the same songwriter who's work i've read in earlier months...u changed ur name...lol....but fantastic work!

You Made Me Incapable
4-22-09

I want to scream,
I am just silent.

I want to sleep,
I am just awake.

I want to bleed,
I am just sealed.

I want to eat,
I am just ashamed.

I want to cry,
I am just unshed.

I want to write,
I am just wordless.

I want to love,
I am just loathing.

I want to trust,
I am just scared.

I want to lie,
I am just honest.

I want to see,
I am just unaware.

I want to know,
I am just naïve.

I want to feel,
I am just numb.

I want to wish,
I am just hopeless.

I want to dream,
I am just stuck.

I want to matter,
I am just worthless.

shadowslight wrote: this is good work.

I couldn't write like that..

very nicely done...it hits hard....where it counts...the soul