Writings by HxC FiALURE

Gabriel’s Poseur
1-5-09

Why did you take it from me?
It wasn’t yours to steal
I can never get it back now
Never again do I want to feel
Anything like the way your body felt
On top of mine
I’ll never get over this
I simply don’t know how
Just hear my last words
As I whisper them softly in your ear,
Far more gentle than your hands were
“I hope you rot in hell”
Harsh? Maybe, but you deserve it
After what you’ve done to me
Selfish little bastard
That was my innocence!
How could you?!
I’ll never be right again
I won’t be capable of love
Do you care how many lives you destroyed
With your foolish little act?
I swear to you,
It will be your last.

BrokenHeartEmo wrote: wow. emomazing the fairy tale ones are awsome.
yeah,fairy tales.....only in bedtime stories

tehEmomazingSongwriter17 wrote:

BrokenHeartEmo wrote: wow. emomazing the fairy tale ones are awsome.
yeah,fairy tales.....only in bedtime stories

Thank you!!!
Hehe, Kittens inpsired that huge bout of pessimism =]

BrokenHeartEmo wrote:

tehEmomazingSongwriter17 wrote:

BrokenHeartEmo wrote: wow. emomazing the fairy tale ones are awsome.
yeah,fairy tales.....only in bedtime stories

Thank you!!!
Hehe, Kittens inpsired that huge bout of pessimism =]

yeah. u kinda said that lol...and i read the poem he wrote also...

godgryphon wrote: Better than expected. I liked most everything you've written, despite it not being particularly my taste. Good job, you have a nice writing style.

It's All About Your Name
1-12-09

I wish I could find the words to tell you how much I love you.
I wish I could tell you you're all I want you to be.
You're everything I've ever wanted in a guy.
Why can't I be everything you want me to be?

Agony
1-12-09

Eyes, brightest blue
Hair, darkest black
My favourite name
There's nothing you lack

Similar religion
Same exact school
Abnormal morality
You're just really cool

One thing is missing
Only one that's left out
You don't even love me
It's her you'll be kissing

Why isn't it me?
What'd I do wrong?
I'm just not enough
But I won't last for long

The Meaning of Love
1-15-09

I've figured out why love exists:
To break us in as many ways as possible
To inflict more pain than wounds alone
So that we could feel the most devastating form of pain
To make us become more suicidal than we ever thought we could be
To keep us wishing for the one to make it ok
Waiting for someone to make the heartache go away
The only problem with that is this:
No one like that exists
Our hopes get high and then our heart are crushed again
Just another dream of how life should be
Love exists to accompany Pain
And it is the only way we live

Classicfall wrote: Enemies = win.

It just does.

Her Last Night
1-18-09

Kristin, Olivia, and Sam were three best friends who had known each other since birth and always went to the same school. Senior year of high school was no different. They attended West River High, a school in California where if you didn’t do anything artistic, you didn’t exist. It wasn’t some dorky, expensive, fancy school like Julliard or Maryland School of Arts. It was really more like a normal public school, except that it offered more artistic electives than most schools, and all of the students’ social lives revolved around whatever form of craft they were interested in. The cliques were separated by talent. Sculpters, painters, pianists, fiction writers, playwrights, actors, set designers, guitarists, et cetera. Almost every musically inclined student was in a band made up of other student musicians.
Kristin was a writer with many talents, so she didn’t really fit in with any of the writing groups. She wrote plays, songs, fiction, newspaper articles, just about every literary form you could think of. Ever since the age of ten, she’d made her own autobiography. With the help of a technoartist, she’d set up her own website advice column, and another website of tutorials for school essays. She wrote, or co-wrote, most of the songs for the band Sam and Olivia were in.
Olivia and Sam’s band consisted of two other members, John and Katie. John and Katie were two musically gifted stragglers that Sam and snatched up for their band. Sam was the bassist and lead singer, Olivia played guitar and piano, John played guitar, and Katie was their drummer. John and Katie were a couple who rarely spoke to anyone, including Sam and Olivia, outside of the band. That was fine with Sam and Olivia, because they preferred to spend their time with Kristin.
Because Sam was the only guy in their group, naturally Kristin and Olivia both had a crush on him. Despite being best friend, neither girl knew that the other one liked him, and neither of them let their infatuation with him ruin their friendship or the band.
Despite the fact that Olivia and Sam were in the band and Kristin was not, Kristin never felt left out. For one, she was practically their songwriter anyway, and also they always spent their time with her. One of her favourite ways to write was while listening to the band practice, or listening to Sam and Olivia tuning their guitars. It truly was the most perfect friendship/artist collaboration in the history of artistic talents.

But they each had their own burdens to share. Some of which were kept secret, and some of which were shared and helped. Sam’s dad, for instance, was a drunkard who tried to insist that Sam quit this ‘pansy pastime’ and work on something more manly, like football. Kristin’s parents liked to baby her, and she sometimes felt suffocated; she also hated them trying to read her work, and they often invaded her privacy in their curiosity. On the other hand, Olivia’s dad had split when she was young, and her mom was hardly ever around. Consequently, she had a lot of pain built up inside of her, pain that she tended to release in the only way she felt appropriate. Olivia was a self-harmer.
Both Sam and Kristin had known about it ever since she made her first cut, and they both supported her and helped her as she struggled. Many times, they managed to distract her or help her find other ways of venting, instead of pressing a blade to her skin. She really did appreciate their help and their lack of judgment, but sometimes she just wanted to scream at them and tell them to stop. It was what she wanted to do, and it was the only thing that ever helped her completely. Squeezing a cube of ice didn’t let blood out. Writing down her feelings only reduced her to tears. Exercise was not a distracting enough pain. All she wanted was to cut, cut deep enough to feel alive again, but not deep enough to end up dead. She was a smart girl, she knew how to take care of her wounds and bandage them properly; she knew how to cut off the blood flow; she knew to make sure that her razorblade was clean; she knew where not to slice; she knew everything that could go wrong and knew how to avoid it. So why it was such a big deal, she didn’t understand. They were wrong, it wasn’t an addiction. It was just something that she needed to help deal with her life because it was not possible for her to get a new one.
And it wasn’t an addiction, either. She never cut in school, never cut around her friends, never cut when she was extremely emotionally distressed. She only did it when she needed to, and she always thought it through first. Sometimes she thought she needed to, but thought it over, and did something else. She was in control of it and there was no way she could mess up, so why didn’t her friends understand?
It was slightly frustrating, but she knew they cared about her, so she made an effort not to make it obvious or apparent whenever she found the need to cut.
Everything would be just fine, she said.

Everything was fine, up until the point where it was almost summer and everyone in school was getting excited about the big talent show-off for the end of school. The heat had risen, and long sleeves were no longer an option for Olivia. Her mother, of course, didn’t even notice her scars. But Sam and Kristin did, and Olivia didn’t like the looks they kept giving to her arms. She shrugged it off and continued to focus on her schoolwork and her music.
Kristin was doing the same. She had a bunch of writings that needed to be final drafted before the end of school, and she was working on a song that she hoped will let Sam know of her feelings for him. She wasn’t sure if she was brave enough to give it to him and let him know that it was about him, but it was at least a good song that the band, Teal Sweaters, could use. It was officially the only work that she had ever kept secret from her friends, but she knew it would pay off once she was finished.
What she didn’t know was that, after the day that Olivia start wearing short sleeves, Sam was working on a song of his own.
Two weeks went by when the friends barely talked to each other as they were consumed with their own work, perfecting it and stressing about its perfection. Then one day, Sam ran up to Kristin with his multicoloured blonde hair shining in the sun and an excited gleam in his eye. He told her that the band had a new song ready, and he wanted Kristin to hear it.
That day, after school, Kristin went over to Sam’s house to hear the new song. She could tell that something new was going on from the smiles on Olivia and Sam’s faces as they set up the equipment in his garage. John and Katie looked happy, too. Kristin’s joy rose also as she anticipated the new song that the band was so obviously happy about. She figured it must be a really good one.
Sam and Olivia introduced the song as their first vocal collaboration, and Sam added that he had written all of the lyrics and all of the music. Kristin was impressed, and in her heart she felt that it would have to be an amazing song, since Sam had written it.
The song started out with Olivia playing piano, and then the rest of the band joined in with some nice rock music before Sam’s vocals began:

You come to me with scars on your wrist
You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this

He looked at Olivia as he spoke the first sentence, but no tension passed between them as Kristin had thought there would.
Then Olivia began to sing.

I just came to say goodbye,
I didn’t want you to see me cry
I’m fine

The vocals switched over to Sam as he screamed out,

But I know it’s a lie!

This is the last night you’ll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I’m everywhere you want me to be
The last night you’ll spend alone
I’ll wrap you in my arms and I won’t let go
I’m everything you need me to be

The obvious love-sickness in the lyrics surprised and saddened Kristin, but she ignored the sadness, writing it off as friendly care, and focused on the song. Olivia had started playing piano again as the guitars boomed in a very nice melancholy rock before Sam sang again.

Your parents say everything is your fault
But they don’t know like I know you
They don’t know you at all

Olivia’s voice boomed out:

I’m so sick of when they say
“It’s just a phase, you’ll be ok
You’re fine.”

And again, Sam screamed,

But I know it’s a lie!

Kristin’s heart sank as she watched the looks Sam and Olivia passed to each other as they sang the chorus again. Her stomach twisted as she slowly began to realise that the care put into the song might not be merely friendship.

The last night away from me

Sam added a new line to the end of the chorus and Olivia started up on piano again, continuing it as he sang the next part.

The night is so long when
Everything’s wrong if
You give me your hand
I will help you hold on
Tonight
Tonight

Olivia’s piano and John’s guitar pounded out a few notes before the music came to a complete stop. Silence passed for a second, then Sam started the chorus again.

This is the last night you’ll spend alone

The music started up again as Sam’s voice began to say ‘last’ and the chorus continued as it had the first time.

I won’t let you say goodbye
And I’ll be your reason why
The last night away from me
Away from me

The last sentence was more of a stage whisper as the music stopped, finishing up with a solo outro of Olivia’s piano.
As soon as the music completely ended, Sam strode over to Olivia, took her red-haired head in his hands and kissed her on the lips.
The world seemed to stop as Kristin’s eyes zoomed in on the one thing she didn’t want to see, Olivia and Sam’s lips touching in a soft passion she had dreamt about, but with her lips being the ones kissing Sam’s. They broke apart and he smiled at her, asking if she liked the song. She was so shattered that it took her awhile to gather up and answer, and then she fled his house. Kristin ran all the way to her house, merely four blocks away. She somehow managed to keep her tears inside her eyes until she burst into her bathroom and sank onto the ground. A minute was wasted in sobs before her mind came across something that she knew would probably help her.
Kristin stood up and opened the mirror cabinet above the sink, reaching her hand in to draw out her razor. She studied it for a second before deciding that if it was good enough for Olivia, it was good enough for her.
Ugh, Olivia. Olivia kissing Sam. Olivia.
The pain started up again and she fumbled with the razor to tear out a single blade. Her fingers were desperate, her arm longed to feel the release that she was sure it would bring. Her agony slowly built up each second that went by as she tried to pry loose a blade. Small nicks were made on her fingertips as she clawed at the razorblades, but she did not feel them at all.
Once a blade was loose, she held it in between her fingers and held out her arm. She gazed at the porcelain skin covered her blue veins for a moment before bringing the blade to her arm. The first gash held no pain, no feeling whatsoever. Bright red began to ooze out from the cut in her skin, but she didn’t feel any better. She tried it again, this time pressing harder and slashing faster. Blood popped out instantly, and a flow of ecstasy marched through her veins. She dabbed at her skin in fast, fluid motions with the razor, creating several small cuts at once, watching in fascination as more red began to cover her arm. Each dent in her skin felt like the ultimate high. Like drinking twenty gallons of chocolate milk and eating the world’s biggest Hershey bar. Or even better. Now she knew why Olivia enjoyed it so much. Olivia. Why did that name make her heart ache? Kristin punched at her arm with the blade again, and the pain went away. She rolled her head back and laughed to herself, moaning slightly at the end. Her vision was clearer now, and her arm started to hurt a little. A shiver rolled through her as she realised that she liked it. With a smile upon her face and wonder in her thoughts, she placed the tip of the razor at the skin where her wrist met her palm, right in the middle of a vein. She pressed the razor in and began to draw a straight line up her arm to her elbow, pressing as deeply as she could without submerging her finger or the razor into the folds of her skin.
Kristin felt giddy, and she realised it was the first time in her life that she’d ever felt truly happy. More laughter escaped her lips as she took the blade in her left hand and started working on her right arm. The lines she created this time were sloppier, as she was right-handed, but she still thought it was beautiful. The way the blood drew out the pain as it oozed bright red from her light skin… It was pure nostalgia, and she never wanted it to end.
Distinctly, she heard her name being called as black spots began to mar her vision. She tried to call out, to let whoever was yelling for her know that she was alright, but she was laughing too hard. The razor pressed once more to her skin before it clattered into the sink as she fell backward, colliding into a pool of her own blood.

She hadn’t meant to do it.