Writings by HxC FiALURE

Worthless, Apology
10-6-08

It’s my fault.
My fault that you don’t find me beautiful, my fault that you love her.
It’s my fault.
Because I can’t be good enough.
No matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, I can’t be good enough.
I can’t even be good enough to let myself die, to force this pain to end.
I can’t do it. I can’t do anything except wallow in my self-hatred
because
I’m Not Good Enough.
I never was, I never will be.
So why do I try?
Why do I want to be?
Well, I suppose I’ll have to get used to it.
I suppose you’ll have to get used to it.
I can’t be good enough for you.
I’m not good enough for you.
I’m sorry.

Mutiled Self-Death
11-29-08 + 11-30-08

Words placed in the heart
Lies overcome the brain
Pain fills the soul.
Cut, bleed, scar.
There we go.
Feeling better now.
Cut, bleed, scar.
Arms ache, gashes take
Forever to close
Beautiful crimson red
Filling eyesight
Cut, bleed, scar.
Can’t ever stop.
Won’t. Don’t want to.
Wanted you.
Nothing but pain.
Cut, bleed, scar.
Ten, I’ve counted, you see.
What’s wrong? It heals me.
Cut, bleed, scar.
Not enough, worthless.
Useless but used.
Here is my control
Cut, bleed, scar.
Not sharp enough
Dig in more
Cut, bleed, scar.
Deeper, more. Pressure.
Stop. Breathe. Live.
No desire. But do.
Cut, bleed, scar.
This is what you’ve done.
Everything I was. Gone.
Pain. Can’t breathe.
Create gash.
Lungs working again.
Unfortunately?
Cut, bleed, scar.
Everything in my head
Silenced out.
Feel euphoria
I don’t deserve.
Cut, bleed, scar.
Same old routine.
Tired. Want to end.
You’re not sorry.
Apology.
Cut, bleed. Bleed.
Black.

Enemies?
12-2-08

Friendship:
When someone loves you no matter what,
When they love you without reason to,
When that love is unconditional and not always shown.

You cry during heartbreak, laugh during a mistake
And you see that they’re doing the same.
You get yelled at, get a compliment
And you know they have your back.

Their house is your home, their candy your own.
You each say more than needs to be told.
Sometimes using no words.
Life can never end when it feels like this.

A best friend is someone you can never lose
Someone you know you’ll never lose
Even when you’ve lost everything else.



Friendship was:
A chance to be loved no matter what,
A chance not to give reason,
A chance to trust blindly and love faithfully.

Now there can’t be any heartbreak, all my laughter sounds fake
And I see that nothing is the same.
Now I yell at myself, all compliments written off
And I thought it was never going to stop.

My house is no longer shared; about my candy, I do not care.
I’m saying less and less each day.
Don’t my tears speak enough?
Life doesn’t feel like living.

A best friend went missing
She made herself go missing
And now I have just to lose myself.

KittensKill wrote: i really like the 2 friendship ones.
they're a good set. Kind of like mirror images of each other.

One Dark Night
12-26-07

Night is dark. There is no moon.
No moon around. No moon to be found.
Welcome to the dark, my dear.
Dark inside my life.
Will you join me?
No you won't. No one does.
I am alone.
Alone at night. In the dark.
It is dark at night.
I like the dark.
Dark likes me. We have a lot in common.
I am night.
Night is dark.

What A Steal
12-26-07

She stole him.
She took him from me.
Stolen from my grasp.
Why did I let go?
I didn't want to.
Should've clutched tighter.
Too tight.
He can't breathe.
She's not helping him.
Why did he fall for her?
He liked me.
But she stole him.
Because I would pretend.
Pretend not to like him as much as I do.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to let go.
Please don't hate me.
You can say no.
Then she will see that you like me.
You used to like me.
Do you still like me?
Or did she get to you?
You're stolen from me now.
I tried not to let go.
But I didn't know that you weren't lying.
Please don't break my heart.
You might anyway, but don't try.
Revenge isn't sweet if you make me cry.
I try not to cry.
But I let go too soon.
She stole you.
Took you from me.
Stolen from my grasp.
I'm sorry I let you go.
I couldn't have held on tighter...
You couldn't breathe.
Can you breathe?
Of course you can.
'Cause you're away from me.
Do you feel better?
She stole you.
Took you from me.
Stolen from my grasp.
Why did I let go?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for letting go.

Midnight Becomes Me
2-9-08

What is this inside?
What's this I feel?
What do I feel inside?
Everything.
Everything bears down on my soul.
What's wrong?
Why can't I dig myself out of thsi hole?
Inside, I feel bad.
All negative.
I'm angry, scared, and sad.
What is happening to me?
Please tell me you can see.
Can you see what's going on?
What's with all this pain, ager, and depression?
Why won't you ever listen?
Please, kill this thing inside!
Please. It's killing me.
Kill it before it kills me.
Kill me.
I can't escape.
It's holding me back,
Holding me down.
I shout, but there's no sound.
Why do I feel like this?
Help me out!
Why me?
Why did it choose me?
I don't want to be bitter,
I want to be happy.
It won't leave me alone.
It's killing me, pushing me under.
It's as fierce as the crashing of thunder.
I'm sorry.
I tried.
I can't get back up.
This inside,
What I feel,
This I feel inside.
It's everything.
And it killed me.

Descriptions
12-20-08

Love
Stop whispering
Feel pain
Broken sound
Cry out
No tears
Don’t talk
Can’t hear
Won’t understand
Wanting more
Never enough
Left wishing
Dreaming fast
Clutching close
Holding on
Tearing away
Fading fears
Joy blurring
Quickly transforming
Things deceiving
Mixed feelings
Not knowing
Never showing
Continue wishing
Life passing
Intelligence leaving
No
Must stop
Stay close
Hold on
Be strong
Fight back
Strike hard
Be better
Stand tall
Don’t listen
Stop talking
You lie
Not better
Never good
More pain
That’s all
Empty words
Shallow love
Deep scars
Heady lust
Fake care
So misunderstood
Not interested
Don’t promise
I’m done

Neverending Questions
12-21-08

Why me?
Why this?
Why her?
Why him?
Why life?
Why live?
Why cry?
Why try?
Why stay another day?

It's A Matter of Existing
12-26-08

Please don’t break the fairytale
Please don’t break my heart
I’ve waited much too long for this
I cannot bear for us to part

Years have gone by as I wait and watch
Searching for what can’t be found
Why? I think I deserve this
But you don’t make a sound

If you’re out there, please let me know
Just tell me where to look
I promise you I’ll find you, babe
Hold on tight to the hook

I’m sorry I can’t be worth it
For you, I wish to be better
But I can’t help, this is how I am
It’s too bad you don’t get it

Please don’t break the fairytale
Please don’t break my heart
I promised to be prettier
But you won’t even start

tehEmomazingSongwriter17 wrote:
Inspired by KittensKill's poem 'Breaking the Fairytale'

KittensKill wrote:

tehEmomazingSongwriter17 wrote:
Inspired by KittensKill's poem 'Breaking the Fairytale'

lol fairytales are just fiction

happily ever after doesn't exist

my poem is partially based on the older versions of the tales, before Disney "prettied them up"

heres a thread on the topic
http://forum.emobucket.com/the-horror-of-fairy-tales-t25481.html

KittensKill wrote:
http://forum.emobucket.com/the-horror-of-fairy-tales-t25481.html

There's No Happy Ending
12-27-08

The horror of fairy tales
It's easy, plain to see
When you love someone with all your heart
Who says that they won't leave?
Take your soul and rip it out,
Leaving you to bleed
The worst has yet to come, my dear
Do you see it all so clear?
You stupid coward, run from fear
But you still cannot stop me
I take your dreams and crush your hopes
Leaving you with tears
Oh foolish one, do not cry
Your pain has just begun

I Just Don't Love You
12-28-08

Fairytales don’t exist
True love doesn’t exist
Why keep living like this?
Stories I’ve been told
The promises of gold
Stolen from me with five little words
Spoken harshly from a mouth
I fantasized to kiss
Bitter tones, heartbreaking words
Gently broadcasting the pain
Love is such a stupid game
Hopes do nothing but bring the same
Each day ending in tears
A life lived through fears
Wishes gone, like all those years
Why must everything change?

XjetxblackxmirrorX wrote: You're a good poet.

I like Enemies the best.
Very original.

I also like how a lot of the titles are relevant to the poems,
but the titles aren't in the poems.
(yes I know it's such a small detail)

The only one I didn't like was "self mutilation - death".
Too repetitive, and I just in general don't like poems about cutting.

But it's mostly good; keep it up.

A Most Ideal Fairytale Ending
1-4-09

What started out as a normal life soon turned into hell for Princess Trinity.
Ever since birth, she’s been treated just like any other story-tale princess. Her parents were loved, adored, and worshiped. Consequentially, they had no time to spend with their only daughter and she was mainly taken care of by her maids. It wasn’t too bad, though. She liked the solitude, liked how she could dream for hours on end without being interrupted.
Few months after her sixteenth birthday, however, it all went downhill. Responsibility was forced on her as she had to learn things she’d never given thought to before, and she was expected to be found by a handsome rich prince with a good name before her eighteenth birthday. In all honesty, she had never fancied any of the ‘worthy’ suitors. She thought they were stuck-up, rude, and self-serving. The fact that none of them had good looks didn’t necessarily appeal to her, either. She’d rather be bound to one of the young, kind peasant boys with the long hair and tattered clothing. Money was a nice thing to have, she mused, but love would make her life worthwhile. If there was no man that could love her incessantly and unconditionally, then she wanted no part of it.
However, several circumstances and experiences had forced her to believe that such a love did not exist. She quickly became bitter, loathing the arrogant lasses who had captured the affection of several males but scorned them all away. Princess Trinity spent most hours of her days locked away in her room, scratching out word after word of angry and heartbroken rhymes and tales.
Her love for life and attractive optimism soon withered into resentment and disgust. Everything she held dear eventually vanished, leaving her to wonder what point there was. Had life lost all meaning? Or was she simply undeserving of anything that would make her hopes truthful?
Questions like these boggled her mind and moved her pen until the day everyone in the kingdom realised that she would never find her answers.