<3BleedingHarts<3:
lolll i am SO not good with kilograms, i was like 'ZOMG thats light' then i went and weighed myself and i'm 54
but i'm not as tall as you either
hm. anyways. hmmmm that sounds like it was a hard time. but you do know now that feeling ugly and fat was wrong and definitely not true, right? and that really you were healthy and the right weight for your height.. so now the only thing holding you back from stopping is that it's become a habit and even an addiction. well you say that it's too late for you now and you're stuck too deep, but you can still do it. If its 'just' a habit/addiction, then do what everyone does with bad habits, which is slowly wean yourself off them. in your case, i guess that'd mean trying to throw up less regularly, and slowly start to eat a bit more each day. And never do that thing where you binge eat, coz that'll put everything back to the start and you wont eat for ages, which is bad. you know you'll have to get rid of the habit eventually, you can't live your whole life this way, with the awful feelings coming and going, of the guilt of lying, of the guilt and shame of binge eating, and all the crappy emotions that come with bulimia.
Sorademon:
In your case it's a bit more difficult.. hmmmm. coz <3BleedingHarts<3 knows what she thought about herself wasn't true and that she was really healthy [i think she knows that at least
] but in your case you still.. loathe[?] yourself and feel that bulimia is the right thing to do. for you, gradually weaning off the habit might not work, as you don't really have the drive because you don't think it's wrong. you say you know it's wrong and it could kill you, but.. you're still willing to put your being "skinny" above your daily health and even your life. when i say daily health i mean like.. you couldn't do any sports or even walk fast since it would make you black out, i could never be happy living in such limits like that, especially knowing i had caused it. you sound like you have friends that care, although they went about it a lil bit wrong. hmm you haven't told them you started again.. well don't you have at least one friend who doesn't think that you being bulimic is like, disgusting, and will be understanding and help you wean off it slowly - but completely - rather than forcing food down your throat straight away?
hm, btw, its one thing to say you don't want to give it up, but saying you can't help it is a complete lie. there're people who have got addicted to things far worse things and still managed to pull up. and yes, they felt as weak against their addiction as you do, but they GOT the strength and they DID give it up, so don't even bother to say you can't do it, because i'm sure even you know that you can.
hmmmmm, i was trying to think of a way to make you see differently, so that you'll stop thinking, deep down, that bulimia is a GOOD thing for you [coz i'm pretty sure that's what you think, honestly.] for you bulimia is more like - sorry to put it in a way that might offend you - a mental illness, since you hate yourself so much that the "benefits" [like a twisted feeling of pride that you have the "strength of will" to not eat, or the backwards notion that you're getting thinner so it's good] of bulimia outweigh the dangers, in your mind.
so i'll try to explain it in the way i thought of it. don't think of it like "i should stop because it's dangerous to my health and i'll supposedly be happier after i give it up because i'll be healthy", because i don't think you believe that, coz you think "i won't be happy because i will feel awful every time i eat, and i'll feel ugly and fat and crap". so instead, think of it like "i should stop because... i get so many crap emotions from being bulimia, like the physical ones such as blacking out and feeling dizzy, and the dull ache of hunger. but also i get the feelings, like knowing i wont be able to run and join in when my mates are having fun, and also i get the crappy guilt from when i give in to eating and binge, then i feel guilty and ashamed and don't eat for ages. and i also get the guilt from lying to my friends and family who i know care about me. it would be so much better if i could be like an ordinary person, enjoying my food and not feeling guilt from eating, and being able to do everything that everyone else does, and to be confident about myself and my appearance, and just to be... happy."
that probably seems REALLY difficult, maybe impossible, since it's so hard to change the way you look at yourself... and it will be difficult, but DEFINITELY not impossible. just try to suppress any negative feelings you get, like feeling ugly when you eat again, and stuff. if you can't suppress them and feel like you'll overflow, talk to a confident, supportive friend who will listen to your insecurities and comfort and encourage you
oh, and try to twist the pride around, so that instead of feeling proud when you don't eat and stay away from food, you feel proud when you go for a long time without giving into the crappy habit of making yourself throw up.
LadyWriterLover:
I'm really glad that you have a decent guy for a boyfriend, who is concerned for your health and doesnt support the crappy habit because "it makes you look good" like some astoundingly crappy and selfish guys do.
hmmm but you should really be as worried about your health as he is. not only is it dangerous, but it just makes you feel crap sometimes. it may make you feel worse to not throw up, but then you gotta change the way you think coz bulimics are never really as fat/as ugly as they think.
hmmm something to distract yourself? well DO NOT TAKE MY WORD FOR IT but if you're that addicted then maybe you shouldn't stop all at once. like, people addicted to smoking often try to give up all at once, but then they give in and smoke, and when they give in they smoke LOADS, then they think "i'm so weak, i gave in. it's impossible for me to quit." but then you get smokers who smoke less and less each day, then each week, then forever =] and they don't assume that they cant quit. so MAYBE you should jst get the urge out of your system and then cut down on the habit gradually. BUT first ask your boyfriend if he thinks this is the right thing to do, coz he knows you a helluva lot more than i do, and it'll really depend on your personality, who you are, for whether this gradually-giving-up thing is the right thing for you or not. okay? ask him
i am very sorry for anyone who read this, it was incredibly long O_O but i hope <3BleedingHarts<3, Sorademon and LadyWriterLover still read it
YOU WOULDNT HAPPEN TO HAVE A BUCKET OR A HOOSE WOULD YA BRO? I NEED TO GET WET ESEP!
OHHH YOUR PARCHED IS BRO!
i should give you karma 
