Jamekae's Poetry Corner.
Jamekae's Poetry Corner.
by Jamekae on 10-31-2008 9:06 am
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RE: My Love; My Burden - Prose Poem
by box racer on 10-31-2008 9:45 am
omg... how long is this poem???
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RE: My Love; My Burden - Prose Poem
by Jamekae on 10-31-2008 9:52 am
Prose can go on for lengthy durations. Sometimes longer than it needs to be.
Heard of the Twilight series?
Heard of the Twilight series?
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Jamekae - Congradulations, you have passed 900 posts!
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RE: My Love; My Burden - Prose Poem
by Jamekae on 11-02-2008 3:18 am
Thanks a lot, I really appreciate your kind words.xXGlassTearsXx wrote: Cool, very nice wording. 2 thumbs up
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RE: My Love; My Burden - Prose Poem
by Jamekae on 11-14-2008 4:21 am
Thanks Jackie, I really admire that mind you've got. I find it an honour that you feel that way about it!
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RE: Jamekae's Poetry Corner.
by Jamekae on 11-21-2008 9:52 am
A few haikus are up. They're nothing speccy, but I am quite fond of the message behind the rabbit one, check it out if you have time.
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RE: Jamekae's Poetry Corner.
by Jamekae on 11-30-2008 11:29 am
I know it's a fail to triple post, yet I'm aiming to do some secret bumping here.
Does anyone have any constructive criticism for me? I'm relatively new to writing poetry so it'd be great to learn of my mistakes so I can improve that aspect of my writing.
Does anyone have any constructive criticism for me? I'm relatively new to writing poetry so it'd be great to learn of my mistakes so I can improve that aspect of my writing.
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RE: Jamekae's Poetry Corner.
by Classicfall on 11-30-2008 12:18 pm
If you want some constructive criticism, I will be happy to provide.
First of all, I liked both pieces. Overall, I can tell that they're heartfelt, and personal, rather than lyrics from popular band, or a cheesy poem that tries to make everything rhyme, and in the process, strips the meaning from the material.
As for criticism, I can only offer you a couple adjectives/verbs I would've used instead. You don't have to change it, because what you used works for you, though.
For the first poem (prose, as you called it),
"I cannot simply cease this emotional connection".
^I would've used "I cannot choke back my emotions. I cannot sever this connection" or something like that. The word "cease" when used with "connection" didn't flow as smoothly for me as other parts of the piece.
And in the second one,
"Sunset sets over sea".
It's kinda redundant. Maybe "Sunsets fly over the sea"?
Those two bits were the only things I would've changed, if it were me.
But let's face it, if we all wrote like me, we'd be quite boring.
Good work, James. I'd like to see more.
First of all, I liked both pieces. Overall, I can tell that they're heartfelt, and personal, rather than lyrics from popular band, or a cheesy poem that tries to make everything rhyme, and in the process, strips the meaning from the material.
As for criticism, I can only offer you a couple adjectives/verbs I would've used instead. You don't have to change it, because what you used works for you, though.
For the first poem (prose, as you called it),
"I cannot simply cease this emotional connection".
^I would've used "I cannot choke back my emotions. I cannot sever this connection" or something like that. The word "cease" when used with "connection" didn't flow as smoothly for me as other parts of the piece.
And in the second one,
"Sunset sets over sea".
It's kinda redundant. Maybe "Sunsets fly over the sea"?
Those two bits were the only things I would've changed, if it were me.
But let's face it, if we all wrote like me, we'd be quite boring.
Good work, James. I'd like to see more.
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Re: RE: Jamekae's Poetry Corner.
by Jamekae on 12-01-2008 3:21 am
Classicfall wrote: If you want some constructive criticism, I will be happy to provide.
First of all, I liked both pieces. Overall, I can tell that they're heartfelt, and personal, rather than lyrics from popular band, or a cheesy poem that tries to make everything rhyme, and in the process, strips the meaning from the material.
As for criticism, I can only offer you a couple adjectives/verbs I would've used instead. You don't have to change it, because what you used works for you, though.
For the first poem (prose, as you called it),
"I cannot simply cease this emotional connection".
^I would've used "I cannot choke back my emotions. I cannot sever this connection" or something like that. The word "cease" when used with "connection" didn't flow as smoothly for me as other parts of the piece.
And in the second one,
"Sunset sets over sea".
It's kinda redundant. Maybe "Sunsets fly over the sea"?
Those two bits were the only things I would've changed, if it were me.
But let's face it, if we all wrote like me, we'd be quite boring.
Good work, James. I'd like to see more.
Thank you James, I really appreciate you critiquing my work!
I'm unsure with the line in My Love, My Burden. I know it's not the best flowing line, but it does well for me, and I guess that's who it should work well for. I do thank you for putting in your imput, however.
I love your idea for the Sunset haiku, it does make it sound great! I was growing a bit annoyed since I couldn't find anything better than "sets" at the time.
Thank you once again.
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RE: Jamekae's Poetry Corner.
by Jamekae on 03-22-2009 5:53 am
Not really a poem but I thought it belonged here. Just a little statement I conjoured up while thnking about the lengths people go to to avoid conformity, even though we're all the same when dead.
Moral of the story? Be youself, as always.
Moral of the story? Be youself, as always.
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Jamekae - Congradulations, you have passed 900 posts!
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RE: Jamekae's Poetry Corner.
by harveyassen on 03-23-2009 12:04 am
It's nice . . .
good . . .
more power . . .
good . . .
more power . . .
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RE: Jamekae's Poetry Corner.
by Jamekae on 04-01-2009 7:15 am
What do you mean by more power? The emotion I'm trying to convey in the poem you're probably referring to is hopelessness. There's no reason to be powerful.
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