Rella

- 03 Aug 1909 - Interplanetary Bad Vibe Zone

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Joined: Dec 21, 2008	Karma: 521
Last Active: Nov 22, 2009

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Here to: Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.

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About Me:
It's hard to say who I am, I'm constantly changing. The past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whatever form. Both are illusions. It is impossible for you to take power over the future because it isn't even real. We did not come to fear the future. We came here to shape it. We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations. Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow.

So many times I think of death and see how many fear, but for me it's just a journey with heaven drawing near. When I close my eyes at night and in my sleep, time passes by; I think of death as just that way, with life in dreams when I die. Though in life, I always wake, in death I will wake too, but it will be another world; The one I pass into. A world where no more tears are shed nor goodbyes are ever said; With my loved ones I will stay and never more get out of bed.

Beyond this realm, I seem to see and reach to touch forgotten years. How old my soul, it seems to be, as if it lived in other spheres. Fragments seep beyond the veil; Forgotten wisdom of long ago. Like a candle with a far off flame; I seem to see it faintly glow. Old music connects within my heart as if it were a part of me. Is it my soul, the words remembered that draws me to its melody? What in the past that keeps it sad; In this melancholy state of malaise. This state of sorrow that seems to linger; Upon the soul so heavily weighs.

http://www.myspace.com/nightmare_midnight

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Ningage 11-20-2009 7:11 pm

Laaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwl.
I correct him, though. : D

And I'm not so defensive that I don't believe he can't do a thing for himself.
Plus I don't recall insulting whathisface, you're just being a defensive ho about it.
Later, dawg.

MarsBar 11-20-2009 1:46 pm

Just because, you're you <3

MelodyOfMalice 11-20-2009 12:30 am

Did you see that lovely bones movie? Any good? It looked amazing.

Atsuma 11-19-2009 4:14 pm

Aww nah it's fine Rellsies, you don't have to apologise, I hope you get better soon ;]

And aye, if you want Adobe I can easily get it for you, I'll go and find the download link and generate a code for you, I'll send it in a PM so people don't steal it ;p

Anyway, get better muffin, hope everything turns out well for you ;]
And also, did you mean you need help with Adobe, or just help in general? I'm always here to chat to. ;] x

VenusDoom 11-19-2009 9:39 am

I love Rella.
she is so beautiful and sweet and pure.

cutiepiex0x0 11-19-2009 12:48 am

uoy sii ncie

MarsBar 11-18-2009 12:56 pm

I love you.

MetalSuicide 11-18-2009 10:40 am

I know that I'm slighty high at the moment
but still I can post
It's only been a few minutes
But I DO care about you
So much
I do need you
Please don't feel like you failed
Or that you don't mean anything
My problems are just out of my control at the moment
I've got an emergency psych appointment on friday
I'll be ok love
I'm sorry
I fucked everything up
I know it's only words
But if there's anything I can do to show you how much I care
I want to hug you and never let go
I want you to know that you mean so much
I'm just a stupid fucking person, who hurts the people who mean the most the me

MetalSuicide 11-18-2009 4:04 am

What can a girl do for me that lives an ocean away?
A lot
You've always done a lot for me

You're not and you will never be just another girl that I met over EB, Because you mean a lot to me.
You say that you're not anything special or amazing, but those are the first two words I would use to describe you
You are special, and you are amazing

I'm not sure what Jess coming down for a few weeks could possibly mean to invalidate your friendship with me. What place do you think you have?
You have a place in my heart as one of my best friends
It's not as if that's going to change

I know you think you fail to help me
But no
You don't
I just have a serious problem at the moment
And if words alone could have stopped me anytime I go down that path then yours would have worked. But this is something deep, deep inside me
I just hate that I've dissapointed you

And you don't have to be helpful to me
All I want, all I ever wanted was for you to be my friend

I wish I could listen aswell
I know your care is real
And mine for you is real aswell
But at the moment it's your words against the whole force of everything crashing down upon me in my life
Hell; I know it's a bad choice
I know it's not going to fix anything
I know that it's all for nothing
But it gives me a chance to let go

For almost a year now I've been going through operations
Right after my girlfriend of over a year left me, when I wanted to propose to her
I've gone through 7 operations now
Countless sessions of painful therapy, ever cure known to man
And at the last resort, the only chance I have left at being cured, the surgeon refused to operate
At the moment I'm dealing with the fact I went through all of that for nothing
That I will have to live the rest of my life with this pain
That forever, as long as I exist it will be a huge part of my life
Not to mention Renni, my dad and mother being jobless, and the fact I was dealing with problems with angsiety and depression before all of this happened

It's all just so monumental
Having to deal with that every time I wake up from my nightmares
But for a few hours everyday I'm a different person because of it
It lets me let go

And I'm going to share something with you
That probably will only make you feel worse
But I need to say it

I've been having quite serious self-harm issues at the moment
A few times over the past few weeks I've had to go in and get wounds stiched up
It's the same method of getting away
But one thing that might make it all worth it in the end, every night I drink I don't mutilate myself
No matter the health risks, it has to be better than that dosen't it

I wouldn't be sharing all this with you if you didn't mean a great deal to me
More than that
I can say with pride; I love you Rella

BrawnyMan 11-17-2009 7:18 pm

Hey, it's no biggie.

I know what you feel. I have similar issues myself. Sometimes if your help doesn't seem to be working you just have to accept that people will do what they do. It's not a personal thing, they're just very much so their own person. Doesn't mean you give up on them, stay with them if you still care, and let'em know through your actions.

A bit of importance is your intent. If you really want to see that person change it shouldn't matter how they get the help to change.

Thing is people will remember you for being the constant friend and you being there when you need them. Belief in others is important, let'em know that you do. Kind words can really help a person, even if you don't know'em

You'll do alright. It's hard but it's worth it. I haven't seen much actual reward for my efforts but I'm closer with my friends because of it. That is the real award.

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