Journeys End


I'm just sitting here with thoughts in my head
what's on my mind?
What ever i said
I'm thinking about what i could find

The main one is how I'm going to do it
How I'm going to end my life
Without having to admit it
I'm laying in bed with a knife

Anything i do will show up
But none of this matters to me
All that matters to me is for me to shut up
I'm doing this and it will make them see

First day of secondary school
I was sitting on the football field
This is where i saw him i saw paul
I ran but this is where i needed the shields

We use to be good mates from three to five
But now he hated me
He started to look different he started to look alive
He didn't look like paul any more well as far as i could see

I just faded into the background
He had forgotten who i was
Paul had said to me that my life was going to be around
I didn't believe him just because

Maybe i did but i choose to ignore him
Hopped it wouldn't happen
I was going to be torn from limb
As soon as he sore me running

Whilst laughing with his mates he shouted
You boff running to school wanting to get to lessons on time
This is where i doubted
As this was the start of it all

During the day i saw him
He would say sly remarks
Some of them were grim
i was only walking home form marks

i saw him again he was on his own
Well at least i thought he was
He said to me I'm going to make you moan and groan
i didn't care at first as it was only the boss

Then his friends came
They made a ring
They thought it was a game
They used me as a play thing

I just wanted this to end
I wanted the bullying to go bye
I couldn't believe he was my old best friend
They were screaming down my ear just fucking cry

then his mates stood there chanting it i hate that paul maybe
I was so scared that i did cry
They all laughed then paul said you fucking cry baby
he pushed me with pride

paul and his mates kicked me hard
it was like a football hitting me from the sky
my school life never got better and i was scared
Every day i would go home and cry

I wouldn't want to do anything
Then it got worse cause i wouldn't even eat honey
i wanted to but i wouldn't do that thing
i can remember when paul took my money

It was another ordinary day i knew i was going to get hit
But i didn't know it was to this extent!
I was about to give in the money before i got hit with spit
I made the biggest mistack of my life and turned around there was argument

He came running up behind me and took the money form my hand
With my hand still closed i wondered what happened so i looked down
It was like a sieve with sand
I looked up but by that time they were gone

i couldn't do anything except sit and cry
thinking to myself i couldn't go tot he theme park
i skipped the rest of the day wondering through the woods looking at the sky
Alone thinking bout what had happened all in the dark

i ran home and told my mum everything clearly
My mum couldn't believe what i was telling her
She couldn't believe i was being bullied so severely
She said to me "you fucking fool"

I saw him the next day i saw paul I just walked past
I was trying to ignore him when he said no i didn't think you would start on me
This was going on for ages not going to last
The bullying i mean i thought it would have stopped but it didn't you see

I was bullied until year 11 when i said
i cant take any more of this I'm going to do it
I wasn't going to have it any more i was going to die instead
The poems were an explanation if you like and also to admit

One of the poems that i bleed
to my mum it was hard to write
every word of what i said
is true and hard to fight

I sit here on my own in dark
Waiting for it to stop
So many pills I've taken now
Head fills like it will pop

My wrists are cut with carving knifes
So much blood on the floor
So what the carpets ruined
I don't give a shit any more

My face is cut beyond repair
By the compass in my hand
Cant bare to look at my face now
nobody understands

Nobody cares about stupid John
the attention seeking git
But nobody hates me like i do
But no matter I'm now in that pit

I thought to myself that would explain it all
My slit wrists from the bullying over the years i was in frustration
there's so many scars on my pool
About two hundred for each year and that's no exaggeration

i really cant cope
All my notes and poems have been written
Its time to go and get the rope
i kiss my mum and dad goodbye and say bye to my baby kitten

Walking down to the shed i grab my dads rope
Now i got to get it upstairs without anyone seeing
This is going to be hard because mum and dad have eyes like the boss of the pope
So off i go sneaking past making sure they don't know I'm fleeing

I go up the stairs and say my final prayers
This is the last of my sound that i will insure
I heard a creak on the stair
whilst making sure the ropes secure

Now putting it around my neck
Thinking about what I'm leaving behind
But i don't care because the bullying will of stopped you can even check
So here i go one two three JUMP

My neck cracking
i am dangling from t he laid
Dangling by the smacking
of i go I'm starting to fade