Medea? Hedgehog?

It will all make sense in this essay.

First of all, Medea. Medea was the victim of betrayal, her cold and clever attributes, and the divine powers.

Back in Greek mythology, Medea was the daughter of a minor demigod, who was the son of the god of the sun. They ruled an island full of barbaric people, blessed with the Golden Fleece. Jason and the Argonauts land there and plan to take the Golden Fleece. Medea falls in love with Jason and they get married, and she sets up all the dirty work to let Jason get the fleece, killing and mutilating the corpse of her own brother along the way.

Well, Jason finds a better wife and dumps her, exiles her, and pretty much sets himself up. Medea, enraged and insulted, kills Jason's wife and her father, the king, and runs away. Killing them was pretty bad, and Medea was hated for it.

Medea was a cold, conniving, manipulative person, always bemoaning about the hatred she received for being clever. And she received a lot of it. She had to become colder and more conniving to defend herself from those that hated her, making more people hate her. She had to withdraw herself from humanity to defend herself from the slippery slope that she was born on.

Like a hedgehog, she gained her quills to keep her from harm. She withdrew herself like hedgehogs do, avoiding all contact with any living organism.

I have become so cold and embittered since I was betrayed from my grandfather sexually abusing me, that I have no trust whatsoever. I can hardly trust my parents to not kill me.

And yet, I have started to have crushes on my few friends. (First a girl and now a boy.) I've begun having those "fun" little dreams we teens have. I've begun to -want- someone that will just hold me in their arms and thus tell me that I -am- worth shit.

Preferrably a girl (because I am severely leaning towards lesbians).

I have two female friends; one who is straight and I had my first crush on, and another who is bi and wonderful but taken with her boyfriend who has been my friend longer. And the boy who I had a crush on is moving to California, and was way too cool and sexual for me.

It so fucking sucks when I want to be wanted, and I don't want to be wanted because I'm sick of being abused. Just as soon as I decide I have fallen in love with someone, I have to pull away as fast as I can and as far as I can because the fear of being hurt again scares me shitless.

And I hate myself for not having the balls to take a chance.

And I burn a few love poems.

And I cut myself a few more times.

And I cry.

It's so lonely being the stupid hedgehog. I can't shed my quills and I'll never sleep for my nightmares of Jason.

I am SOOOO Sorry, girl!!!!!!!! But sometimes you just have to come out of that hole and take a chance. Your fucking grandfather had no right to violate you! But you can't let that ruin your life, you have to move on. Trust me that beotch will pay for what he did, god will make sure of that! You do what you feel is the right thing! And remember don't let that fucking bastard ruin your life!!!

Thank you so much! I wish people would understand how much abuse like that -does- hurt people. (Of course, those people usually dislike emos, so they should fucking die.)

I really need that kind of support. Someone to just come into the situation with no ties to either outcome and just tell me what I know. Just solidify and support. Thank you!

All I could think of when I saw the title of this thread was Fight Club.

"I am Jack's complete lack of surprise..."

on topic, I am sorry this all has and is happening to you, honey. I wish you better luck, love.

Poor hedgehog. Poor, poor, hedgehog.

k.first:nice essay.

instead of letting in a crush to love you that cood hurt you,try letting in a frend.frends are far mor reliable and dependent,not that they can't still hurt you though.

a frend of mine always use to say "guard your heart".guard it,as in be carful,but don't shut out the whole world.sometimes people want to help you because they relle care,everyone isn't plotting your destruction.

i'm so sorry about what your grandfather did,that's truely terrible. something similar actually happened to me,except it was my brother........

being a hedgehog sucks

Thank you. ^^

Well, my best friend Rachel is rather...attracted to me. She's dating my first real friend, Larry, but she follows the tradition that all bisexuals that I've met follow; having a boyfriend AND a girlfriend at the same time.

So, she likes to poke my genitals. Ass-rape and boob-rape. I had to make her stop the breast-rape because my grandfather molested only for my breasts (Even more sickeningly, he mainly touched my sister's lower area and french-kissed her when she was 2. So he split us into parts that he found desirable to make his own "perfect" molestation girl.) and she only ass-rapes me when I walk through a door first and not quickly enough.

Like you said, they can still hurt.

I just kind of wish that someone did openly care about me at that level. It goes along with the whole sense of worthlessness I've carried my entire life. I just want someone that I can snuggle into when I'm watching a movie, and know that they'll be perfectly satisfied just to wrap their arms around me.

Your brother?! That had to be so horrible. It must have been so bad to be betrayed by someone as close as your brother....

I wanna bash his head in with a baseball bat. Two to the head, one to the shoulder, and then I'll stop to cut off his genitalia, and continue bashing his head. Maybe I'll pour medical alcohol onto the wound where his dick was.... Yeah, I will....I love doing that....

a bisexual frend of mine had a boyfrend and grrlfrend at the same time,it worked out for her so deffinately try going out with Rachel.

thats disspicable about how your grandfather did that to you and your sister.my brother only ever relle touched my breasts,too.i was so young i didn't understand it

i think everyone's looking for that someone to snuggle up to when watching movies.

anyways,good luck with the relationship!just talk with her if she makes you fell weird or something though