How to live...

I met him six years ago.
From the first moment, it was clear that we were special. After a few years we were so close, we always knew what the other one was thinking. He knew every part of my soul, every dream, every hope, every fear. I just had to look into his eyes and I knew if he was sad, angry or happy...He once said: "We are two parts of the same soul. But we fell from heaven seperated." And it really was like this. Around two years ago, he became my lover. We had other boyfriends and girlfriends, but the thing we had was special for us. It was like we had just sex, because our souls couldn't get closer. He was everything for me. My best friend, my lover, my brother...We were planning to spend our life together. To leave Germany and live together some other place.
But this year we had a few problems. But we tried to solve them. Because I had the flat for my own for a week, he moved into it for this week. And yesterday it suddenly started. He told me, that he never felt anything inside. I always knew that he was some kind of cold, because of his past, but I thought it had become better. He told me, he doesn't care about me. That I should finally learn what he always wanted me to teach. that I shouldn't trust anybody. That I should just spend my time with a person, who can be usefull for me. I asked him, how this should go on. He said: "You have two opinions. You can stay with me and we'll play this game for another 6 years. Or you can send me away and start a new life. Both will kill you inside and you know that I'm right." I told him to grab his things and leave my house. While he was packing, i watched him and i felt that he was suffering, but I thought this was just imagination. Then he took a book from the kitchen and I stopped him, with laying a hand on to his chest. I wanted to ask him if this was the truth, because he wrote on a drawing I once got from him: "Thanx for giving my heart back to me". I told him: "If you say now, that it was a lie. That you feel something,...if its not to late-" But he interrupted me saying: "It is to late." But his heart was pounding under my fingertips so hard, that I thougt it had to be heard in the room. Then he grabed his bag and walked out the frontdoor, without a look back.

And now here I am standing in front of my shattered life and I don't know what to do. i don't understand what was going on! I don't know what to do now. Actually, I don't know anything right now.

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to me it seems like something troubled him or he felt like he wasn't good enough for u or else u wouldn't have been so blunt to u. If i was u I'd call him and say what's going on? Were all those years with me so meaningless and wasteful?

I don't get this idiot!! Now he sais he just gave me the choice to go on living with him or without him! And he sais: "I'm glad you sent me away. So I lost the last feelings I have. Believe me, I am very thankful for that."
He never left me a choice!!

how confusing
seems like he's just messing with your mind..

EmptyHorizon wrote: how confusing
seems like he's just messing with your mind..

agreed
screw that asshole
you just put your heart all into one person
and he couldnt handle it
u dont need to go through all this shit
its ridiculous
:/

I really don't get him right now. He blames me for what happened, and I don't know why. But his mother called me and told me that he walks around like a zombie. His sister said, that she even heard him crying at night and friends talked about, that he seems very desperate at the moment.
But when he talks to me or writes me, he acts like shit.

forget about him. tell him that there's no reason he should be depressed if he treats you badly when you see or email him. he's obviously uninterested in you and he's not worth the stress he's causeing you.
forget him jerry!! >.<

I know that what you say is true, guys. And really thanx for the replies.
But, I don't know if I can forget everything. ...it's like trying to rip yourself into pieces. At the moment it feels like somebody took a part of myself and hid it somewhere. And the part which is left is burning.
For six years he was my life and I was his. And now this is over?
I can't believe that he just woke up next to me, looked down on me and thought: "It's enough!" What the hell made him change so much? I am really afraid that something very bad happened. That maybe he wanted to protect me from something, and because of this did all these things. Other friends told me too, that he broke up with them. His mother sais, he doesn't meet any friends at the moment. He doesn't call anybody, brings not friends with him. He's just in school, then he works, then he comes home and sleeps. This isn't normal!
Something must have happened!!
Otherwise, maybe it's just wishful thinking??
I really don't know what to do at the moment. But, today I will clean my room from the memories. I will pack away all pics, gifts, clothes...everything he left here. This evening we will meet and I will get my things back, I had in his house.
Maybe this will be the last time to see him...
O god.

hmm... you should have a heart to heart talk with him.
but you should know, i'm like that all the time, but theres nothing (serious) wrong with me.

You are much like what, darl?
I tried to talk to him yesterday. ...it was shit.

He must be schizophrenic! I'm serious!!
On Wednesday I was at his house to get a few things back, I always had there. You know. Like clothing, books, DVDs.... He acted like nothing happened, made jokes and really said to me:
"Any questions? Would you like to tell me something? Because I guess we wont see each other for a while."
I couldn't say anything. As I went downstairs, out of the house, my whole body was shaking from anger. I was jazzed the whole evening.
And today he wrote me a message that, whatever happened between us, we had such a long friendship and if I would ever need help or something, I could always call him. And that he is thankful for everything we had. - And that he misses me.
I felt like somebody had hit my head with a stone when I read it.
I just wrote back: Please stop acting like you would care. You told me to start a new life, so don't make it this hard for me. You know that you can always come to me if you have a problem, but don't play like you'd have any feelings for me.

I don't know what to expect next. He's gone crazy.
I cleaned my room from the memories. I packed every picture, every gift, everything that reminds me of him into a box. And it is a huge box. Now my room seems half empty.
Strange to see it like this. Now its the home of a other woman I don't know yet.
Maybe I'll like her...but I don't think so.