Okay, this is about self-abuse, but it's not how to stop. I need to know how to tell.

As a victim of sexual abuse, self-abuse is really a classic symptom, as well as the worthlessness and pyromania. I have a therapist who helps me through dealing with the abuse, and she made me promise to never cut myself, because I really really REALLY wanted to ever since I was a little kid.

But then a person that my therapist said would "support" me (My principal, who goes to half-way houses and that shit.) decided he was going to promote my feelings of intense senicide by not remembering I exist, and not caring that I exist because I am a good student, and he only knows about and cares about bad ones.

So, all the feeling of worthlessness and rage came screaming into my face until I burned some paper shit in my sink, but it didn't do anything. I took a needle and scratched my skin until it bled, and I continued to do that. I looked up some emo stuff on photobucket, mostly self-destruction and cutting, and I saw this picture of some awesome person's wrist. They cut the words "This one is for you" and had an arrow leading to a huge slice.

So, I cut "4 U" in a real friggin' sweet way (it's in my pictures), but it didn't do anything after that first scratch. I was just finishing it, like a drawing. (Only cooler)

It's the most beautiful thing I've done, in my opinion. And it made my best friend start eating again. (Rachel never ate because she's overweight.) But I called her and said that I'd stop cutting, because it doesn't do anything for me.

I made a little fire when my family was out, made from this school year's papers, because it severely sucked ass. I tossed the needle and the razor in the fire, then took a hose and washed it all off the drive.

Only my dad found it and confronted me alone. He thinks that I'm doing drugs, because that's what he did with razors when he was 15.

My therapist session this week sucked because I didn't really talk about anything, because I was afraid to tell her I had cut. And there's this Abuse Group that meets on Mondays, and I'm wondering if I should tell them. Some of them have done stupid shit like that, but the others are just those perfect fucking angels that join the FCA and that kind of thing.

So, should I tell anyone or not? 'Cause it's really stressing me out to have to turn down trips to the swimming pool and to have to wear socks all the time 'cause it's on my ankle.

And if I should tell, who? I mean, my mom's already cried that I get really fucking pissed off, so much that I want people to die in horrible ways. And my little sister started hurting herself, and it's so hard to look at my beautiful cut and think about her trying it.

But if I don't have my therapist up-to-date, I have no where to vent and the healing process just kind of fails.

Jesus, this is so fucked up. I wish I was in a mental institution right now.

...More than normally....

HHHHEEEEELLLLLPPPPPP!!!!!

ic ic wat u mean... but technically u just vented on here... its good u stopped cutting is bad (like i should be talking)
i kno i wouldnt be able to tell the therapist... it was hard for me to tell my friend (and that hoe even backstabbed me wit the info)

DEFINITALLY dont tell ur mom... it would break her heart because she would feel like she isnt raiseing u right, and that would raise a whole new mess or stuff

about ur anger, well just dont let ur mom kno u freak out like dont be a pyromanic (fire lover) even though fire is AWSOME, but still

if u really need to get rid of the anger then run... i hate runnin, and whenever i have to run in school i just think of all the things that make me angry and sprint my ass off... it helps really it does

if u need to talk about any more stuff u can tell me
i'll listen, and wont critisise unless u want me to (i kno i sound like a phsyciatrist, but thats wat i want to do when i get older) besides, i have the whole anger thing goin on to

So, I cut "4 U" in a real friggin' sweet way (it's in my pictures), but it didn't do anything after that first scratch. I was just finishing it, like a drawing. (Only cooler)

OK you had better remove it because cutting pictures ARE NOT ALLOWED.

They are NOT fucking "beautiful" they're extremely distasteful.

And you should tell your therapist or anyone who's QUALIFIED TO HELP you.


Don't make threads about cutting.

Read the how to stop cutting guide.