I usually am, until this time...
I didn't date someone for like two years now because my last one was a disaster and my heart was broken by this perverted ex who never thought about anything else but sex and drugs. so i swore that i will never love anybody again. I am having more fun with friends than I would have with someone so never did I think about falling in love, until...
I hate this stupid feelings that started to form inside my heart. I just wish my heart was made of stone or something solid. It's this guy (the cutest scene dude I've seen in like forever in real life) who works with me. See, we are both new in our job and we have met through it a few weeks ago. We got to help each others a lot and have fun and make jokes while working, sometimes even sing together and dance as the music played. There was a band's signings today and our store always takes care of stuff like that when new albums of artists come out, so him and I have spent the whole day at work together doing really hard work and we even stood outside in the cold to organize the two lines fans were making as they awaited for the singings to start. Today I worked up my nerves and as we walked back inside the store and then down to our locker rooms to put away our winter jackets, I asked him if he wanted to go to the movies this week to watch The Mist, because Stephen King happened to be our favorite horror writer and then he said yes and asked me if I had AIM or MSM and I was like yes I do. I asked him in return if he does as well and he said yes and that he will write it down with his phone number after our shift finishes at 7pm.
Heart beating faster, the clock said 7PM and I had to leave but he was going to stay at work till 8pm because he wanted to get photographs with the band. Each went a separate way because I had to go get my stuff from the locker room and he was called to the supervisor’s office. I wondered then if I’ll have the chance to see him one more time tonight before leaving home because I as an employee, I can’t exit from the main doors. But after putting my jacket on me and closed my locker, I walked back up to the second floor where the singings were and I saw him. I acted like I didn’t see him and walked past him to talk to somebody else, wishing he would see me and come up to me to give me his phone number but he didn’t, he was too busy doing something else. Then I decided to just leave. I walked past him again and looked at him, he looked at me and smiled and he put his hand in his pocket but everything was like too quick, I didn’t want to stay standing there so I was like: goodbye, I need to go’ and then I left to never see him again tonight. I thought he would call after me and give me his phone number then ask for mine... but... :/
I feel bad, so bad.. As I made my way to the bus station I wanted to cry so much because I know that I am falling for him. I wish I wrote my msn and phone number and give it to him first before leaving, but I didn’t… I don’t know anymore how to act around someone I am crushing on. I was afraid and ashamed of myself at the same time.
I will see him again at work on Saturday, but it’s gonna be a lonng long week. I don’t know anymore how i should be acting around him even though i am sure he enjoys being around me for he always comes up to him to gossip, laugh and sing while we worked, hell even sneak into the gaming section of the store and play Dead or Alive game for a minute or two, then sneak back out without any supervisor sees us.From all these people these kids that work in my store at the same time, I am the only one he talks to, laugh, dance and gossip with.
I don't know what I should do the next time I see him? Should I be like: Oh, forgot to give you my phone number, here it is.. or should i not bring up the subject anymore and fucking move on?... I am lost, I won't have the courage to do anything
fawk we even are both in love with sushi, hamsters and Alesana.
If things change the next time I see him, I'll post here again to tell how I fought back my fear.
