[b]Deserve

Im lying on the floor
Torn to shreds
By my own doing
This is all my fault
And now I shall suffer the consequences
I will sit here and bleed
For what ive done to you
Bleed for all eternity
Because its what I deserve
I deserve to hurt for what ive done to the one I love
And I don’t deserve anyone’s help
I deserve to slowly
And painfully bleed
I deserve to be alone

Falling is fun till you hit the ground

You know that feeling you get
When you look into the eyes
Of the one you dream about
When your stomach feels like it left your body
How good that feeling is
And how you wish it would last
How you wish that it would never end
That you could fall forever
And that one day he will catch you
Yes this is all fun and games
Until you look down and realize he’s nowhere to be found
That when the panic sets in
But its to late to turn back your to far down
You already jumped
All the fun is gone as you near the ground
You scream to him to save you
To catch you
But all he does is look down at you as you fall
And that’s when you realized he’s the one who pushed you
You didn’t jump at all
And then you hit the bottom thankful for the pain to leave you
And for the darkness to come
But it doesn’t
You just lay there unable to move
Unable to speak
In pain
Every part of you broken
As he stands over you
Mocking you with his very existence
And this is when you wonder why did he push you
And why didn’t he catch you
Why wont the pain stop
Please just end it all

Hate is destructive
It rots you from the inside out
Until there’s nothing left
Its like a drug
You hate what its doing to you
But you cant live without it
You cant let go
Forgiveness is divine
And it’s the hardest thing for those who hate
To even imagine
Because you never want to let it go
Because without it
You fear you will be empty inside
What will be left of you
Who will you be when the hate is gone
Because its all you’ve known
And you don’t want to forgive those you hate
Because they don’t deserve it
But you try and try
Never succeeding
I don’t
And I wont forgive you
Even if it tears me to shreds


Horribly tempted

Im just so horrible tempted
By these thought inside my head
For years ive been such a good girl
I don’t drink
I don’t do drugs
I don’t cut
I don’t party
I don’t do any of the things that kids my age do
But life has gotten so bad
That I cant keep these thoughts locked away for much longer
I just want to do something to make the pain go away
To feel relief
If only for a moment
And then maybe my parents would have a reason to yell
And tell my they cant stand me
Maybe if they had a reason
It all wouldn’t be so bad
I hate these thoughts though
I mean can I really go against what ive lived by for so long
Could I really live with myself if I became
That person
Would I recognize myself in the mirror?
If I could even stand to look at myself
What would my friends think?
Would I still have friends?
I don’t know
But the temptation is growing
With the passing of every day
And its growing horrible
I don’t know what to do
Should I just leave them as thoughts?
And hope they go away
Or should I turn them into actions
And make the pain go away

Lost (i got this one published)

im alone
in a dark place
I cant see what’s in front of my face
I hear something in the bushes
But Im not sure what it is
Im scared
I begin to cry
Then I hear the noise again
I feel someone behind me
But when I turn I cant see a thing
I start to run
But I trip and I fall
I scream out in pain
As I hit something I cant see
Please someone find me
I don’t know where I am
Or how to get out
Im lost in this dark place
And I need to get out


Slip

I walk through life
Trying not to slip
And mess up
Because if I do
I cant ever look at you
The things I do
To disappoint you
Aren’t even that bad
You ground me
Treat me like shit
When all I did was slip
You say your not proud
Well when are you?
You never seem to be
You always seem to be mad at me
I try so hard
To never stumble
But when I do
Its the end of the world
You’re always the first to say, “I told you so”
You always make me feel worse than I did in the first place
I haven’t even done
Any of the bad things
That kids my age do
I never even fall
All I do is slip or stumble
And yet you look at me with such detest
Why?
Why cant you ever be proud?
Why cant you ever catch me when I slip?


with fear of no hope i shed tears for us

Well I finally went and did it
I ruined everything
Like I always do
I went and hurt the one and only person
Who was ever truly there for me
The person who truly new me
The only one who has ever made me cry
I care for that person more than anyone else
They’re my rock
My soul
And without them what will I do
Being without her scares me most
Why did I do this?
Why did I have to screw this up?
I hope there is a chance
But even if there is will we be as strong?
With fear of no hope
I shed tears for us
More tears than I will ever shed for anyone else
Please forgive my mistake
Because I could not take
The loss of my one true friend
Please forgive the stupid things I do


this mask

It seems the one and only thing im good at
Is pretending
If you looked at me you wouldn’t know
What is going on inside of me
Because I never let it show
You will never see
The true me
I will forever hide
Behind this mask
Because I am afraid for even me to see
What lies behind
You see Ive worn it for so long
Even ive forgotten
Who I was
And if you ever really see
You will never look at me
The way you used to
And that is what im truly afraid of
So I wear this mask for all to see
Who I am pretending to be


the dam

The dam is filling up
It cant hold much more
Soon it will overflow
Because it just cant take the tension anymore
It was not made to handle this much stress
It has so many crakes and holes already
Water seeps out of it slowly
Not relieving the stress
More and more water escapes
Flooding all of the surrounding areas with ice cold water
That will destroy everything it touches
The dam was built to serve a purpose
But now it just seems to be causing more trouble than it worth
It cant take this pressure anymore
Its let all of those depending on it down
More water spills over the top
As they try to patch up the leaks
But nothing works
And now the crakes become bigger
Those surrounding the dam
Have had enough
So they leave the dam to collapse on its own
Now all the dam did was destroy its self
Now all that is left is scar on the land
But no one will remember the dam
Just the damage it left behind