So, I know this might not be the right forum, but I cant find any other, and I really need help. I have been recently working on writing a book, and I need some suggestions. This is what I have so far.



The unsuspecting things that happen when you're not looking can really change your life. My mother always had said that things happen when you least expect them, and they did. I didn't think that then someone could have such a effect on my life, I thought that I made my own destiny. I was my own fate, what I did rested in my hands, not someone elses. Oh, boy, was I wrong. I swear that it was a freak accident that I had met him, I didn't expect it, just a stranger off the street to end up meaning so much to me that it hurt in the nastiest way it could. But anyways, when you're 18 and on your own it doesn't make a difference what you think because you're never right, that was just life though. Things I will admit were hard, in ways though going to college and just trying to live off of a students salary while trying to look radical was no easy task, not even for me.
I hated name brand clothes, I really did, but of course I wanted to fit in and be liked. It was a mistakes made by many, almost everyone I think. I was never right from the beginning, sometimes I thought that I was suspended in mid air and stuck because things got so bad sometimes, that's when I needed to get help. I was forced to go to a therapist to spill all of my crack pot ideas of what I think life is, and my problem with making friends because I was just to out of style. That was when I was diagnosed with Border Line Personality Disorder. Yes, it did explain my bad self image, and the reason why I am such a conversation whore, and my mood swings, but it didn't explain why I was so stuck all the time. I mean, yeah, I might have thrown myself off that cliff, but I didn't think I was going to just be stuck in the air, not able to just fall. It was sorta like life didn't follow the rules of physicals, and what went up of course didn't come down. There was nothing I could do though, things had to keep going as long as the earth was spinning and I was still breathing, barely though.
Anyways, back to life. I don't feel I fit in as I was saying, I just wasn't like them. I lived my life by lyrics, and just didn't care if I was wearing paint covered overalls or not. It was just my style, flawless, no, but mine, yes.
It was sophomore year in college that it all started though. I was asked to go spend some time in Paris, France, to go to college there for a while and take art classes since of course I was an aspiring artist. So, of course having a love for the city Paris I took the offer to move there for a year or two to go finish up college. It was exciting, being able to get away from all the judgement that I had to deal with, with the people in my dorm. I mean, yeah, they were great people and all, but just not my type. I think most of them actually though I was weird. Anyways, it had finally come time to go, and I pack up all of my stuff and was on my way off to a new life as I would have liked to think of it, and really in reality it was, it was a chance to let go of everything I had held on to. All of the regrets, mistakes, and problems I had.
I had so much planned for myself when I got there. I wanted to go so many places, but I was thinking ahead way to much. I need to get myself a place in the city, and get everything set up. Somewhere near the college, Parsons Paris School of Design.
It was a very good school, I have to ad mitt, the classes were very informing and help alot more than my classes back home did, probably because I knew I wouldn't have to go, "home," to the dorm and see my roommate, Claire.
My apartment was lovely too, it was right in the city and I could see the Eiffel Tower, which was so inspiring when night falls, and seeing the people in the city below scatter about was just so, indescribable.
After a few weeks of being there though, I wanted to explore, go to the museums, and the famous castles. I had my eyes set on visiting Versailles Palace, home of all the royal rulers of France, and supposedly said to have wonderful artwork through the whole palace.
So, I took the train out of Paris to go visit it for a day, and that's when it started, my life totally changed. My worst dreams, but best nightmares had come true. I was walking down the hall of course with the tour when beside me I saw the most gorgeous piece of art work, well, actually it wasn't art work. It was a man, and knowing me, I wasn't in any way shape or form ready to talk to him, I was to plain in my mind for someone as extravagant as this wonder wall, and just then and there, I think the stars started to fall from a heaven above somehow, the most unexpected event took place right in the speck of time.
A voice came from behind me, "Bonjour madam," I was shocked, totally and completely shocked, till I looked back, and then my world really started to fall in.
"Salut.." came quietly from my lips, I was scared, to scared to even remember half of my french that I had learned. A giggle, maybe even a chuckle came from the man.
"Well, now, you must be American," he replied to my whisper. I wasn't really shocked that he could tell from my horribly out taken American accent.
"Um, well, yes, yes I am." I think I might have stuttered, the butterflies in my stomach were every which way and I just could keep it together.
"My name is Jon Phillipe, and yours would be?", his accent was perfect, it was everything you could hope for if you wanted a European man.
"I'm Trina Woods, nice to meet you, Jon Phillipe," I was getting a little less nervous, I think, I wasn't sure of course.
"What bring you to France, Trina?" Jon asked.
"I am here studying art and finishing up college," I replied sharply.
"Oh, that's very interesting. An American Artist in Paris." Jon said with a gentle sigh from his perfect lips.
"Yes, I guess to you it would be interesting. Maybe even as interesting as France is to me. But anyways," I didn't get to finish what I was saying before he started to say something again.
"So where are you from? Or I mean where are you staying?" Jon said.
"In a little apartment in Paris near the Parson Paris's school of Design." I calmly slipped out.
"Oh, well, I see. I thought a pretty gal like yourself would be staying in a dorm, or with some dude." Jon huffed. I was shocked, I didn't think someone would have ever said something like that to me, I just wasn't ready to even hear that.
"Oh, well, unfortunately, no, I do live alone." I say still in shock.
"Yes, that is very unfortunate I think," with a devilish grin on his face.
I didn't want to meet anyone, I didn't want my fate to be in the hands of someone else, but I didn't have a say this time. I was falling for someone I had just met, yes, I had met alot of guys, but I have never been to attracted to any of them. I use to get called a lesbian because of it, but I knew even if they didn't that I couldn't stand being around girls, that's probably why I didn't have many friends that were girls.
I was speechless, so I just smiled and act somewhat cool, even though being me I didn't know that that meant.
"So, Trina, do you have an address that maybe I could have so I could come sweep you off of your feet?" Jon smirked.
"Yes, I do," I smiled, "Lycée François Magendie 10 rue des Treuils BP 12 33020 Paris France," I finally said.
I was feeling so, weak. I hadn't really ever felt this way, of course since I was never really with anyone. I didn't date because I just never wanted to get close to anyone for the fear of being hurt, so I kept to myself and acted geeky so no one liked me, when inside I think that I was an, "awesome, radical," person.
It just wasn't something that I showed, and I wasn't ready to let anyone in, but I think I was ready to start trying. In my mind, I wanted a chance, to be like every other girl, holding some guys hand walking down the street and just being so happy.
The only real happiness I knew was when I was stuck in my world of music, and art. It was really all I had ever cared about, my Cd's, and my books of artist and the fantastic lives that they lead and or lead. I found it so interesting, it made me happy, but only for the brief amount of time.
"Well then, I shall come to you when the time has come, and you my beautiful American chick will have fun." he chuckled, and so did I. I had never been called a beautiful American chick before, it was sorta exotic.
I felt alive, I didn't know what to say though, I knew I had to think fast before I started to look nervous and inexperienced.
"Yes, you shall have to do that, and you, you will be my knight in shinning amour, that has come to save me from dread and boredness of being alone." that was the best I could come up with at the time, I didn't think that it was that bad, he chuckled, so it worked.
"Well, madam, I must go, it was nice to meet you, and I shall see you tonight, at 8 pm for some fun." Jon said with a tragic smile on his face, as he started to walk away.
Right then and there, I knew that my life was about to change. I had to hurry back to Paris on the train, and get to my apartment to start getting ready. Oh god, I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what to wear. I was excited, but scared. I didn't want to end up like the other girls, all heartbroken and suicidal because some guy breaks up with them. I didn't want to feel that pain.
I didn't have a choice, I was to far gone already. At least I thought I was. I had a finally figured out what to wear, it took some real consideration.
My hair was in curlers so it came out perfect, and I had found a pair of black straight legged pants, and a nice shirt, that of course just showed a little cleavage, and of course I started on my make up. I didn't usually wear alot of it because I didn't care how I looked, but tonight had to be perfect.
It was my first date, I didn't know how or what to do, but I knew whatever was going to happen was going to happen. It made it even better to know that it is with a piece of art, a total stud-muffin with a great accent.
8 PM finally rolled around, and I was stunning, or at least I thought I was. I wasn't prepared, but then again who is these days? All of a sudden, there was a knock on the door of my apartment and there he was.
Look like a prince, but not as dressed up, a more casual prince. I was in total aw at the sight of him, he was a dream. Every girls dream, and I was with him? Something seemed very wrong to me, I don't know how this had ever happened. I would have never even though a guy like him could be single. Anyways though, I invited him in.
Somehow he seemed shocked at the inside of my apartment. It was covered in posters of painting and books were every where. It wasn't messy or anything, it was just different, because of all the art work, and my Cd's all over the place.
"Oh my, I didn't know you were so into music. Art I could see, but not music, especially not music like this," Jon said in shock.
"Yes, I love music. I have so many Cd's, and I have seen so many band in concert. I find lyrics like a piece of artwork, and really they are in a way," I said.
"Yes, I can see that. I like alot of the music you do then." Jon raised an eyebrow and smiled.
"Glad, most people really cant stand my music. I use to want to be a musical, but I could never play an instrument, or write a song." I stared at the floor and started to blush a little.
"Well then, shall we go? I have somewhere I would like to take you." Jon looked towards the door.
Then we were gone, walking down the street off to a local pub. I dint know why he took me to a pub, I though it was going to be romantic, but I guess this was what dates really were. I really didn't know.
I saw then why he had taken me there, on the door it read as a band was playing there. The band was called, Four Letter Romance. I thought it was a wonderful name for a band, I really did like it, but I was wondering what the four letters were, but right now the contemplation of words wasn't needed.
"Hey, Chicky, I'll be back. I have something I need to do." Jon nudged me.
"Okay," I said as I got my beer and sat down at the bar watching Jon leave to go do god knows what.
"This is for a girl I just met today, Trina." it was Jon's voice.
I quickly looked up of course the the little stage to see him, with a guitar and a band behind him. I was flabbergasted, I thought I might faint. Jon was perfect, he was a musician in a actual band that did gigs.
The music was playing, and I sat in aw, drinking my bewsikie, the sound was so different from everything else, and the lyrics were something to live by in my eyes, even though most were. I felt like I was falling, and I was I was falling in love.
It was getting late though, and the show was over. Jon and I had talked for so long at the table till the owner of the pub had to ask us to leave because he had lost track of time. It was about 1 AM when we left, and the stars were out, and the towering city was all light up.
Jon was everything a girl could want, and I already knew that, and it was only the first date. I had never felt so close to anyone like that before, I was in love, I had fallen, and I had fallen hard.
As we walked down the street back to my apartment I just felt so safe. I felt I could be myself around him and not have to worry about dressing to impress, or saying all of the right things. I could be my easy going else, and make jokes, the way I use to be with my best friend from years ago.
I wasn't paying attention to what Jon was doing, I was to mesmerized by the day I had just had, and how one day had just changed my life so drastically to notice that he had grabbed my hand and laced fingers with me; this sent chills up my spine, and gave me massive butterflies.
Finally, we got back to my apartment after our 10 minute walk. I didn't want him to go, but I knew, I had to. After just one day, maybe not even that I was feeling attached, very attached. I never let myself do that, but this time I don't think I am strong enough to hold back and stop myself from getting close, even if there is a possible chance of getting hurt.
I asked Jon if he wanted some coffee, and of course he said yes. As we sat at the nook in my little kitchen staring at the streets below through the window, I could feel the sensation of wanting to love and be loved by someone. Indescribable really, but an urge, no. This feeling, is special, it doesn't happen to everyone everyday.
"What are you thinking about?'" I asked.
"Aye, a few things have run across my mind, but nothing really," Jon said softly.
I nodded, I was tired, but not tired enough to fall on the floor and tell Jon that I needed rest because it was such a long day. I was scared, nervous, so many emotions. The only real thought in my head though was a lyric from a song I had listening to the day before, they said, "Stay awake, dreams only last for the night," and I was scared that they were right. What if tomorrow I wake up and never hear from Jon again after falling for him? Only time would tell on that one I guess.
The night grew on yonder, and Jon himself was getting tired and said goodnight to me, and gave me a kiss on the cheek goodbye, but he also said that he would see me tomorrow night for another night of unmentionable fun. When he said that, the look in my eyes must have light up, and he could tell.
"Good night, my American Chicky," he said as he smiled walking out the door.
After that I was in bed, fully clothed because I was way to tired to get into my night clothes, so I plopped down on my bed and there, I was gone, off into a dream would where all I could think about was Jon.
As soon as night had fallen, and my eyes had shut it was now bright, sunny new day. I had to be up and ready at three in the afternoon because I had a class, and I had to be there, I wanted to be there even my mind was somewhere far away in a dream. I couldn't wait till the time had come when I would get to see him again, it was almost to much to bare, except it really did inspire my artwork alot, and you could tell.
Eight finally came around, and I was ready. I didn't know what he had planned for me tonight, maybe another gig at the pub, or something else. I was just happy to be with him.
"Hey Chicky, you ready to go?", Jon smirked.
"Yes, I am, let me grab my purse," and the next thing I knew we were on the train.
"So, where are we going?", I asked questionably
"We're going to one of my favorite places, Canal Saint-Martin," Jon smiled at me and grabbed my hand.
"Oh, sounds romantic," I smiled back at Jon.
"Yep Chicky, it is, wait till you see it. It's where I do alot of my song writing." Jon started out the window.
I smiled, and thought of what this place might look like, and it was nothing like I pictures. A beautiful bridge, over a lovely canal and the sun was just setting. It was perfect, I don't see how he can be so, dreamy.
"What are you think about, Chicky?" Jon said while staring into my eyes.
"How much I like you, Jon." I said.
"Oh, really now? How does a pretty gal like you, Chicky, end up liking a runt like me?" he smiled.
"Well, lets see, you're everything I and any other girl could have ever dreamed of." I was blushing.
"I would have never thought I was like that, I actually think I am totally something different." he said.
"I have never felt this way for anything," I started, "like the way I feel about you, Jon."
"You must be joking, I am not all that great. I bet you have had better." He didn't look convinced.
"No, Jon, I actually never really dated till now. It's not because I could get anyone, I just didn't want to.." I trailed off.
"You didn't want to what Chicky?" Jon said turning to me.
"I didn't want to be like other girls, and get hurt bad. I have stuck to the simple things that make me happy only for a short period of time. Art and music, I know it seems odd and all.." I didn't know what to say anymore, it was all coming out. My worst fear.
"Ah, Chicky, not to worry. I wont hurt you. I don't bite, hard at least," He said jokingly.
I giggled a bit, "Well then, I guess I will just have to give you a chance then."
"Yes, Chicky, you will." He flashed me a smile I think I could never forget.
"Chicky, lets get out of here, and go roam the streets of Paris to see what we can find," and then we were back on the train.
I felt real. I didn't think he would have understood what I was saying on the bridge over the canal, but he did. It was astonishing, he must have had the same feelings at one time, or he just acts like he understands and is really good at it.
We made our way back to my place, and sat in the kitchen again, staring into each others eyes.
I might not have known it then, but he might be my biggest demise, and maybe, he just might be the one to save me from myself, anyways, the night was growing into day and in a way it was making my eyes tear up, I wasn't ready for time to past this fast. It wasn't fair that time can be your best friend or your worst enemy, but most of the time its the worst thing you will ever endure. Time was killing me.
All those years of singing way to loud to myself, and all the goofy pictures I had taken to make into something else seemed to be such a waste, I don't know. It just seemed to be because of the recenet events; the chances I took to change my life, I was ready, ready to take on the world and whatever was going to come at me.
I felt like I was on the top of the world, and nothing could ever stop me from what I was going to be destin to do. Yes, it was scary to me to think that I couldnt change fate to make my own destiny, and some things were just going to happen weather I liked it or not.
Jon on the other hand, was a miricle that I always needed. How long must I have waited for everything to fall into place, in time it really wasnt that long, but in my mind it felt like forever. And forever isnt long enough, not by a long shot.
My eyes open, and it was morning, I was laying in bed fully clothed, with my alarm going off. Oh, damn, I had to be up and ready to go to class and fast, I was never usually late, even with my now late night existance.
The one girl who was in my art class, Samanizzle Wingdraw. Now, this girl was odd, I mean she was something you did not see everyday. Her black eye liner always was smeared, and her hair was a mess, the jeans she wore were torn and patched all through to keep the explosing holes out, and she always had rainbow paint on her shirt somehow. I wasn't sure till I actually started talking to her to see what the deal with her was, she turned out to be a lesbian rebelling against the normality of society. She was good friends with a guy from Wisconsin, Matthew Bitchson.
Now how these two were friends, I dont think I will ever understand. They seemed to be coming from two totally different corners of the Earth. Matthew was quite, and seemed to be way to much to himself, and Samanizzle was out there, always starting something with someone and causing havoke. They were both interesting though, with their friend, Khristopher Sexcrazedwhore from Italy (who loved to sing along to mellow tunes when no one was looking) they all of course as I said seemed different, they didnt match. I had become good friends with all of them, I found them inspiring, and very different to be around. The quiteness, the observations, and the chaos. It was a good mix for friends, and they always had your back too, and you always knew it.
I talked to Samanizzle the most though about my romance with Jon, and how I dont know what I am going to do if he ever finds someone better, which of course I think that he would but I can never be to sure.
The only thing that really popped into my head though when I was talking about all of these things to her were the lyrics, "I was only dreaming, just trying to catch your eye," and thats the way it felt most of the time. Jon was only a dream, and I was just some girl trying to catch his eye but was way to plain.
I was the girl who was just way to envious of everyone else around me because they were everything that I wasnt; everything that Jon might want. Samanizzle though had the same feeling for someone else, Jacob Vercelli, the one person who she said meant the world to her and she couldnt live without. From my understanding though was that it has been 3 months since they were together and she missed him every single day, and there is no way in hell that he is ever coming back. It's a scary though to think that things might be that way with Jon; I wasnt ready to be in Samanizzles place, thats exactly what I had hid myself from.
The talks I always cherished untill they were over, and it was time to go back to living life away from my paints and tools, and back to knowing what it might feel like to get hurt, and taking it one step at a time with my heart jumping out of my chest at the thought of him. Right at my mind had stopped thinking about him, I got a call it was about nine, I hadnt even noticed that time had flown by and Jon hadnt come, it was Samanizzle, Matthew and Khristopher asking me to go to a party with them, and of course since there was no Jon and I didnt know what to do, I said yes.
It was a such a stary night out though, as I walked down the street to the local pub where I was meeting them.
My mind was only on him, he was all I could think about. I was wondering where he was, I just didnt know if I could take being apart from him much longer. I was a complete and total mess without him. How could I have become so dependent on someone who I hardly even know? It was fucked up.
I had to walk outside, so I was about to get up and go, when I fell into another guy.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!", I studdered in shock.
"It's alright miss," he said smiling.
"I'm Moises Pillowfucker, and you happen to be?", he then finally said after staring into my eyes for a few seconds.
"I am, uh, Trina Woods." I quickly replied.
"Well then, nice to meet you, Trina Woods.", Moises gawked.
"Uh, yeah, nice to meet you too, but I must be going out for some fresh air, I shall be back," I smirked, and out I went into the street where I started to look up at the stars and contemplate where he really might be, and what he might be doing since hes not with him.
"Excuse me, Chicky, do you know a pretty little lady named Trina Woods?" I heard from behind me, and it made my head spin. There was only one person who called me, or really even used the word, 'Chicky,' and that was Jon.
"Oh gosh," was all that could come out of my mouth at the time,
And next thing I knew he was holding me close, and our lips were hardly touching, but I could still feel the friction. We were a head on car crash that you just couldnt help but stare at and be jealous over.