A world unknown

A world unknown

by xXgoingoingoneXx on 07-23-2008 4:10 pm

A far off place,
Of twisted scenes,
In a daze,
What does it mean,

Off to the side,
Hardly there,
A place to hide,
A way to stare,

Keep in focus,
See it coming,
Through the forest,
Of an unknown world,

A hot flash,
Now it’s freezing,
Make a dash,
Before its leaving,

Stand away,
Make it strong,
The end of the day,
It’s been too long,

Walk around,
Don’t leave it behind,
Find it there,
In a world unkind,
Listen and hear,
Before it’s gone,

Almost in control,
Finished and done,
Don’t let it go,
Now it’s over,
It’s finished now,
Find the cover,
And now ask how.




i know there was a few lines in there that didn't rhyme, but i was just writing down my thoughts as a story. i didn't really care if it was perfect. hope you liked it
if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall

xXgoingoingoneXx
Fresh Meat
 
Posts: 37
Joined: 13 Jul 2008
Gender: Female
Location: nowhere you want to know about

by cloudedbubbles on 07-23-2008 6:16 pm

That's cool. I can't say that I completely understand it, but it flowed well and I like it. And don't sweat the non-rhyming thing; it doesn't have to rhyme all the time to be good.
My heart only hurts when it's beating,
And my mind only screams when I'm thinking.
All I want is to escape my reality.

cloudedbubbles
Fresh Meat
 
Posts: 27
Joined: 21 Jul 2008
Gender: Female
Location: within my clouded bubble

by xXgoingoingoneXx on 07-23-2008 10:24 pm

cloudedbubbles wrote: That's cool. I can't say that I completely understand it, but it flowed well and I like it. And don't sweat the non-rhyming thing; it doesn't have to rhyme all the time to be good.


yeah. it wasn't really supposed to make sense totally. i could get into it, and try to make sense of the depth in words, but i have a really hard time doing it. it makes sense to me. but it's super hard to explain. so i won't try. but i'm glad you liked it.
if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall

xXgoingoingoneXx
Fresh Meat
 
Posts: 37
Joined: 13 Jul 2008
Gender: Female
Location: nowhere you want to know about

by ZRC on 07-24-2008 1:24 am

Well, it wasn't bad. Very unique.

ZRC
emoXcore
 
Posts: 569
Joined: 30 Mar 2008
Gender: Male


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